A wise person I know once said you need to pick a side of the fence, otherwise you're just an idiot with a fence pole up your back-end. (I cleaned up the language a tad) Sometimes I find myself in that position, and I have to remind myself of the good things that come from good choices.
I was thinking about things that didn't happen in my life as I drove home today from work. Things that I would have liked to have happened, but I never gave it a chance. Back then I just wasn't as bold. And I sort of mourned a little bit for the things I lost. A life I never had, perhaps? I realize when I go back in time and look over certain choices, that those choices were almost directly connected to who I am now. What would have happened if those things had not happened the way they had? Where would I be today? WHO would I be today?? I can tell you, I doubt I'd be who I am today.
But that made me think, maybe I'm not doing this life I am living any favors by always looking at the "woulda, shoulda, coulda's". Maybe the looking back isn't helping me move forward. It did help a bit to remember why I am grateful. I'm grateful for the lessons I gained because of the past. In the interest of keeping private things private, I'll say this.. sometimes life doesn't go as planned. Sometimes decisions are made, and they put things into your life and take them out. I made a decision a long time ago to let something go, something I second guess all the time. But there's no going back now. The past is the past, and no matter how I obsess over it, it's not going to change things. And I have to accept every moment lived since then, and realize things are not bad. I lack nothing. Maybe things aren't a certain way, maybe my life went down a different road.. but so far, this road has brought me to some amazing places.. and I wouldn't change it, or trade it. Not even if I had the power to go back in time. I wouldn't. I'd let things stay the way they are, cause honestly, I'd like to see where this road takes me.
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