(Another throwback! Circa April 4, 2009 haha… I’m vintage.. *wink*)
Today is Saturday. I have a whole day of errands to run. The laundry needs to be washed, bills need to be paid, stuff needs to be mailed, gotta go grocery shopping and there's more! But when I looked into my son's room I realized it needed some attention. So I came up with a brilliant plan to get my son to clean his room... we'd have a race. My room was just as bad, if not worse, so whoever could get done cleaning first would be the winner and get to pick where we eat lunch.
Now you should know that I never intended on winning. I wanted Ethan to win. So he got excited and started cleaning. Every now and then he would say he was almost done and I would say it back so that he would continue to clean. He was really cleaning, and having fun! I did get a kick out of his happiness and even though I was pretty much done I never said a word, remember, I wanted him to win.
Moments later he announced that he was finished. I went into his room and indeed, it looked as though he was finished. I brought the vacuum in and started vacuuming. I was very impressed. His bed was made, and he had his stuffed animals lined up neatly on it. But as I took a closer look I realized something. He had paper sticking out from under his bureau. Ah, yes. That's when I moved his bureau and found a LOAD of crap underneath. I'm not sure if he stuffed it under there, or if he just ignored it, but it was there. Then I looked under his bed. By now Ethan was feeling discouraged. I had started to pull everything out from all his hidden places. I stopped my cleaning to help him because it was obvious that he needed it. I helped because I wanted the room cleaned the right way, but I refused to help with the things I knew he could do himself.
It was about this time when I started to see a mirror. How I was seeing Ethan, is how God is seeing me.
With every piece of clothing I hung up, or drawer I emptied out is was as if I could actually hear God saying.. "This is how I see you." I brought out all his dirty laundry and remade his bed (his sheet was backwards... I'm a bit of a perfectionist) I finished up the bed with new pillow cases and then took out all his dirty dishes. He managed the rest, but saw that I had given up my chance to win, and that's when he did something that touched my heart. He said that if he wins he wants me to pick the restaurant. He was willing to trust me with what we had for lunch. I had a hunch it was because I was willing to give up my chance to win to help him.
Have you gotten goosebumps yet? I do! What I learned through this adventure with my son was a few things. First, God wants me to clean out my life. He wants me to pick up the floors of my heart and mind. For obvious reasons, you can't really be productive with a dirty life. I always found that when my room was dirty I didn't want to spend much time in there, or if I did it always made me unsettled. So who could live with a dirty life? That's where God comes in for me. He is there to help me clean up my life.
Sometimes my room was so overwhelmingly dirty though that I couldn't do it without the help of my mother. And that's what God was trying to show me today. Just as I had helped Ethan with the things that I knew he couldn't take care of himself, God is helping me with the things in my heart that I can't clean out myself. He's willing to come into my room and focus on helping me to not only clean myself up, but to do it right. Including all those dark hidden places. He checks "under my bed" and my bureau. And even makes sure what I've done almost right is shown to me the correct way.
Eventually my hope is that I won't have to help Ethan clean his room. I help him with it now, so that when he gets older he can do it alone. Honestly I don't want to be one of those mothers who cleans the room and washes the laundry of a thirty year old. They should be quite capable by then. And if he ever really needs me, I want to be there. I've been teaching him all along, his entire life. From when he was born to now. He's learned to walk, talk, eat solid food, use the potty, how to treat others, how to get dressed and from there it get's more complicated.
Life is about learning for me. All we do is learned behavior. Recently I've had to relearn a lot. I've had to change my thinking and I think it's for the better. It's made me a nicer person. I love to give and to help others. And I don't want to stop here! I want more out of life, but I realize now I need my Father to show me the right way. He hasn't let me down yet, so I can trust Him with those things in my heart that I can't do myself. And just as Ethan decided to let me pick the restaurant, because God takes the time to help me I want Him to choose the things in my life. The bible has told me plenty of good things about God's intentions for me. So I know that I can trust Him. And like I said, He hasn't let me down yet!
Everytime I see Ethan's face I can't help but laugh...
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