One Year Later

(It’s a throwback kinda morning! Originally written on April 1, 2009..)

So it's been a long year. I made a decision on Easter last year to stop dating for a year. I didn't do it because I was a "Man-hater" or because I was confused. Actually, I did it in spite of that. I had recently broke a two and a half year dead end relationship with someone that I thought I loved. But I can see it now for what it was. I was blind, and now my eyes are wide open.

Looks like I learned my lesson, I hope, and things will go differently for me now. I can't exactly pretend it didn't happen, but I realized what needed to be done. I used the year to grow spiritually. I "dated" God. I wanted to get to know this so called Creator. So I used the year to study the bible, and pray and change my thinking. This worked out for me because I realized I had been missing out on something that I never knew I had... confidence.

Suddenly I found myself in uncharted territory. I had no idea how to find God, so I started in the most simple and obvious place. The bible. I started reading from the beginning. To be honest it wasn't easy, but it got easier. It has taught me the very character of God, and who we are to Him. We are not random molecules without meaning. We have a purpose and a future, and I needed to know that because I was starting to get dragged down by meaninglessness. I needed meaning, otherwise, what was the point of living? With no purpose life is just a series of random actions, with random outcomes and I am random and not special. I didn't want to think that way anymore. I wanted more out of life, and that's when God's Word came to life... literally. I began to really understand what I was reading, and could apply it to my life. And I gained a purpose.

Even though my family thought I was crazy I continued on with my decision.  I went to work with a new attitude, I no longer went in feeling overworked, but with a renewed sense of wanting to do the best for my "heavenly boss". I had the conviction to work on being on time, because I knew God would know whether I was ten minutes late, and I wanted to be a good and dependable worker. And I can honestly say I am proud of myself for leaving at a decent time so I can arrive on time (Although Ethan does NOT make it very easy sometimes).. I have a respect for the people I work with and the authorities above me. And mostly a respect for the work itself.

And out of this, I grew closer to someone who is the best friend I will ever have (other than Jesus).. she is working on not dating either, and whether she likes it or not it's been a year for her too! Over the last few years it's always been Judi that I called because she is so wise, she always knew what to say to bring me out of a funk or help me to see the brighter side. And when I needed a kick in the butt she gave it to me. I know my sisters are going to be ticked, but when I get married I want her to be my maid of honor (that's a big fat when) .. I love you JUDI!!!

And now here I am. As my nana calls it, I'm in my 27th year. I can read the bible and now see it as the Word of God. I can pray and now feel the Presence of God. And colors seem brighter, the wind seems to sing and rainy days don't bum me out anymore. So I guess you could say that I'm in love, but not in the way I thought I would be. Let me just say that this year has been unexpected, it has changed my life, and the way I look at it.

I've learned that life is going to suck sometimes. Things aren't always going to go my way. I'm not going to get everything I want, and I'll have to work hard to keep what I have. Things will go wrong, people will let me down, favorite shoes will break and I will gain just enough weight so that I can't fit into any of my favorite clothes. But there has been one constant. One thing that hasn't changed. God. I gave Him a chance because I wanted to test it. I was a little skeptical, but I've been shown something. When I'm traveling in the right direction, things seem to fall into place. He was always there to listen to my troubles or sorrows, and whenever I felt like I needed Him something always worked it's way into my path to remind me He was there.

And when I passed by again, I saw that you were old enough for love. So I wrapped my cloak around you to cover your nakedness and declared my marriage vows. I made a covenant with you, says the Sovereign Lord, and you became mine.  Ezekiel 16:8