Carnival Rides

Written July 6,2009

On Saturday I spent the day with my sister who lives in Mass. We enjoyed relaxing by the pool, then a fun game of dominoes...Sammy made me lose! I blame him for the loss.

After my oldest sister Jen came we all decided to meet up with my mom and go into town to watch the fireworks. I had no intention of buying tickets to go on the rides, and wasn't about to spend grocery money on carnival food, except for cotton candy, so my sister Jen took Ethan with my mom and her kids and bought some tickets for him to go on a ride because she didn't want him to feel left out.

Then Jen thought it would be fun to go on the Pirate ship. Ethan was feeling brave, having never been on the Pirate ship before, and was excited. Me, being afraid of heights, I opted out. (No surprise to them) As they were about to start the ride my sister Jillianne decided to freak Ethan out and told him the ride went upside down. Yeah, pretty mean. He got really nervous and I watched my son go from cool to really freaked, and wanted to get off. No one listened and they started the ride. I felt powerless as I watched him hold on for dear life as the ride started to climb, higher and higher.

My heart was in my throat and I almost had an anxiety attack, but I kept my cool because I wanted to show Ethan everything was okay (which it was because I was over-reacting). But still...do you know how horrible it felt to have to watch as my son experiences a pretty scary moment and not be able to hold his hand and not tell him it was going to be okay? I hated every second of it, but I knew it had to happen. I realized that Ethan has to experience scary moments, and will experience scary moments without me. I watched my sister sitting next to him trying to get him to lift his hands and enjoy the ride, and you know, near the end he did. I was so proud, I almost cried. The ride ended and I ran to meet him to show him I was watching over him and that I was there and everything was okay. He was pretty scared still and uttering things like, "That ride was freaky" and "Auntie Jilly lied and told me it went upside down, I was really scared"...But I got to hold his hand and talk to him about it. I wanted him to know I was there, he was reassured that everything was okay, and that even though that was a scary moment he wasn't alone, he was loved and had someone waiting to comfort him after it was over.

I've had a lot of scary moments in my life. My house burnt down when I was thirteen, I lost my recital dress in the snow(still upset about that), lived through hurricane Bob, drove through New York City with window washer people trying to take my money (they had no idea I was broke too), got pregnant at 16, my son has had multiple injuries that have nearly given me a heart attack, and there are so many more that I wouldn't be able to list them all.

My point is this: Through it all I have someone I can go to to talk about all these scary moments. Someone to reassure me that they were there through it all, watching over me, waiting for the moment I would come to them and look for that reassurance. Someone to talk to through it, to help me through it, and to teach me to grow from it.

I'm glad my son was brave enough to get on that ride. The excitement of something new was stronger than the fear, and I'm glad it was. In life we will have opportunities to either experience something new, or run for fear of change. Ethan didn't run. He went for it. And just like him I'm doing the same sort of thing in my life. I'm stepping out, and trying new things. And just like Ethan, the excitement is stronger then the fear. You just have to have faith. So I think next time I go to the carnival I just might get on the Pirate ship!

-Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase...
Martin Luther King Jr