It's not a popularity contest Part 3

"One early spring Darlene and I moved with our family to the country.  We needed to slow down.  We were looking forward to enjoying the beauty of our new place.
A couple of days after we unpacked, I was puttering in my garage when I noticed my neighbor hacking down a row of grapevines that rambled along a fence on our shared property line.  I had assumed that we owned the vines jointly.  Wasn't that how things worked in the country?  We already had visions of feasting on bucketfuls of grapes in the fall.
I walked over to say hi.  My neighbor, a large, white-haired man in overalls, wielded the biggest set of shears I'd ever seen.  All around him lay heaps of grape branches.
"You don't like grapes, I guess?" I said, trying to conceal my distress.
"Love grapes," he said.
"Really.  Well, I thought maybe we would be sharing the crop from this vine and I..." I hesitated.  Maybe it was too late to do any good.
He eyed my shiny shoes.  "You're a city boy, aren't ya?" he said.
"Not exactly, but I -"
"Don't know anything about grapes, do ya?" he broke in, and went back to hacking at the vine.
I told him I knew I liked the taste of them.  And I told him I had particularly liked the promising look of this row of grapes when I bought the place.
"You like big, juicy grapes?" he asked over his shoulder.
"Of course! My family does too," I said.
"Well, son," he said, "we can either grow ourselves a lot of beautiful leaves filling up this whole fence line. Or we can have the biggest, juiciest, sweetest grapes you and your family have ever seen."  He looked at me. "We just can't have both." ~Taken from "Secrets of the Vine" by Bruce Wilkinson

John 15:1“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. 

I look at that vine reference and I see my experience with people.  The old man hacking the branches knew a thing or two about grape growing, obviously.  He knew that the leaves of the branches were not the purpose of the plant.  And stretched out over long areas the vine would have more to take care of, so there was no focus on any specific area.    Had he let the vine expand the grapes would grow, but they wouldn't be the biggest and best the vine could produce.  They would be the result of a vine that just continued to spread out, with no focus on anything other than spreading out.

You could just accept this about the vine.  You could leave the vine alone and let it grow where it wants to grow.  Some vines just keep going and don't stop, even when it ends up in crazy places.  I had some experiences with grapevines.  Most of the vines were on the side of the road.  One grew down a rock wall that was lined with poison ivy.  Another was crawling up the back of a house across a busy road.  All of them were sour grapes.  They were pretty gross.  But no one ate them because of where they were growing and how they were growing.  They were never tended to.  They were left to fend for themself and instead of being pruned and the area weeded they became  smaller and smaller and eventually they all died.  I drive past where they used to be sometimes and there's nothing left to them.  Without the care they needed they perished.

See here's where I get confrontational.  People left to their own lives without pruning or tending to will eventually become as useless as those sour grapes.  Any grapes those vines produced weren't very good.  People who are compared to sour grapes are usually negative people.  And anything they produce is usually negative.

We all have things in our lives that don't really need to be there.  We all have habits that serve no purpose.

What this says to me is that God wants the very best from us, and to get that He's going to take His heavenly pruning shears and cut away the extra branches that are keeping the really good grapes from growing.  My desire to be accepted was getting in the way of me doing anything.  Every time I was rejected it was like I just really needed to make up for it... I didn't need to be accepted.  In fact, I'm willing to say being accepted is not a necessary part of life.  The only One we need to accept us is the One who created us, and that deal is sealed when we accept Him! From there on its just a journey of strengthening roots and branches to produce big, juicy, sweet grapes!

And what exactly do I mean by grapes?  Not the actual fruit, silly! No!  The Greek word fruit from this verse is translated to;   fruit, deed, action, result, profit, gain.
What Jesus was saying when He talked about the fruit we produced was our lives would change!  WE would change! Our actions would change, our deeds would change!  And from them would be profit and gain!

So when I say we don't need acceptance I really mean we shouldn't be seeking for acceptance.  That should not be our goal.  Our goal should always be a true relationship with the GARDENER.  He knows what it will take for our branches to produce the best, juiciest grapes ever!

What do I take from this?  I can't keep seeking out how someone feels about how I feel.  I can't keep relying on everyone else to feel good about myself.  The only thing that has done is made me WAY more self-conscious and has messed with my confidence.

So these books are going to help me move toward becoming a branch producing BETTER fruit, not just MORE.   So God wants me to have BETTER  ACTIONS, DEEDS AND RESULTS from the things He is already working on in my life.  There's no need to add anything right now, I just need to focus on the fruit that's already in my life!

It's not a popularity contest, Part 2

"I was born this way, this is who I am.  Accept it."

That's kind of the mantra of the people nowadays.  And on one side there's those extreme Christians who say you're going to hell if you give in to that kind of thinking, and on the other side there's those people who fight to allow people their freedom to be whoever they want to be.

Forcing acceptance on both sides, but neither get it, do they?  Those two sides are still fighting about who's right and who's wrong.  And it's all just arguments about lifestyle choices.  And not just by extreme Christians.  There are many people from many backgrounds fighting to tell others what's right and what's wrong.

Sometimes I think back to my school yearbook.  There was that coveted section with all the ways certain people stood out.

Most popular.. .Best dressed... Cutest couple... Most likely to be a millionaire... Class Clown...

I never made any of these lists.  I sort of stayed invisible.  Below the radar.  And sometimes I have a mental movie of all the changes I could have made to make things better for myself, if it were possible to go back.  I'd be the one everyone wanted to be friends with!  Best dressed?? No contest!  I definitely wouldn't be the chubby tomboy who wore her fathers jeans and never showered.  Ugh.. I cringe when I think about those days.    Nowadays if you wanted to act that way the motto is acceptance.  Accept me for who I am because I was born this way.

Um, ew, NO.  I highly doubt I was born to be like I was.  No.  Society shaped me because no one else was.  I had no idea who I was!  All I knew was what was around me.  But not fitting in any molds was extremely unsettling.  I tried to be many things and failed.  And when I failed at everything I tried to be I was finding myself depressed by this need of mine. Needing for others to like me was proving to be a pain because I just didn't fit the standards others were setting.

Have you ever found yourself caught between worlds?  What I mean is, not fitting in with any of the crowds out there?  Ahhh.. the outcasts.  Those no one else accepts.  The ones they look down on for not fitting in.

I was that person who did their best to fit in, but found myself not agreeing with the people that surrounded me.  I was so desperate to not be an outcast that I just couldn't speak out about my internal struggle.  I conformed.  I made myself walk like a sheep and talk like a sheep.  That's how I survived.

But now?  Somethings going on.  Those conforming tendencies are starting to feel shaken.

I don't think like most people.  And I still have a hard time fitting in.  I have deep convictions of how life should be lived, and constantly find myself up against people who just don't think the same.

I started reading the book, "Secrets of the Vine" because I was looking to grow my ministry.   I have the desire to be more effective, and that's why I teamed that book up with "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People".  What I didn't expect was that these books were hitting deeper parts of my heart than just my desire to grow a ministry and my desire to be more effective.  They were hitting roots of things that I just didn't want to deal with.  Habits that I let creep back in, and gave excuses for?  Those were thrown into the spotlight.  Mindsets that were debilitating and constantly had me doubting myself? Those were also thrown into the spotlight.

The reason I started reading the books is no longer the reason I keep reading the books.  I headed into this thinking I could learn how to change people, but instead I'm being taught how to change myself.

It's not a popularity contest. Part 1

I've been doing a study these last few months on John ch. 15.. there's a book by the same author who wrote The Prayer of Jabez, Bruce Wilkinson.  This book is called, "Secrets of the vine" and it's part of his "Breakthrough Series"

Along with this book I've been reading "The 7 habits of highly effective people." by Stephen R. Covey.

These two books have really attacked a deep part of myself that I've been holding on to for years..

my need for acceptance.  

I get that this a fairly sensitive area for a lot of people.  And you could argue that this need is an important need to fulfill, but I'm going to throw something out there that is contrary to this belief.

Let me start years ago in middle school.  I was constantly down on myself because I just didn't seem to fit in anywhere.  I wasn't cool enough for the cool kids, I wasn't rich enough for the rich kids, I wasn't jock enough for the jocks, I wasn't girly enough for the girly girls and I had a habit of being loud and opinionated and goofy.  I had this natural desire to be a leader, I didn't like following others and people could see through my act when I did.  I was the kind of kid that liked to make my own tracks in the snow.  Any time I would try to conform to the people around me I was reminded that I was just not like most people.  Whether it was another person reminding me or my own internal desire to remove myself from whatever I was involved in there was always something separating me from the crowd.

I remember how little I cared about this when I was very young.  I was content in my own little world, I didn't need company.  But slowly I started feeling this tug to interact with people.  

I imagine I'd do quite well as a hermit.  I could get along living in a house in the middle of nowhere.  I'd have a horse to get around.. so I wouldn't need to depend on gas.  I'd make my own candles for light, chop my own wood for heat, tend my own garden for vegetables, raise my own animals for meat... I would live in my happy bubble all by myself.

The only problem with that? Just like the saying goes.. .No man (or in my case woman) is an island.  I realized that I wanted friends to share my hilarious jokes with.  I wanted friends to hang out with me, and I had to admit, it was awful handy to have another around to help me with chores or to carry heavy items.

Ok.  So I started to befriend people.  And little by little I realized how dependant I became on those friends. If they didn't like my clothes I'd change them.  If they didn't like how I acted, I'd change that too.  I morphed from grunge to Britney Spears wannabe (in my time Britney Spears was a much different person) in just a few months  Me being the kind of person I am I hated having to do this.  I was simple and easy-going.  I didn't need any fancy stuff to have fun, I would rather live in jeans and a t-shirt.  But my friends were not like this.  So slowly they'd stop being my friends.  I remember in 5th grade when I realized I wasn't cool.  My best friend stopped talking to me and I couldn't figure out why.  She didn't sit with me anymore and wouldn't even say hello to me.  The day I realized I wasn't popular was an awful blow to my self-esteem.  I wondered what was wrong with me.  Turns out I just didn't fit in with the in crowd.  I wasn't accepted in their group.

So began my internal struggle with myself.  

A Poem from my past...

When you first took a breath, I first carried you. That's how I brought you through.
I held you and placed your feet firmly on the ground, I left you to learn to walk, and soon you knew and began to grow.
I held your hand to guide you,
because you did not know where to go.
With wide curious eyes you watched the world.
Your curiosity brought us new places, and I loved to watch you learn.
As a toddler you knew of Me, and felt safety.
My reality was never a question.  And as your personality came out I could see just why it was so easy to love you.
Although you were rough at times, I saw the part of you no one else could see.  The part you soon began to hide as you became older.
With your toddler years behind you life started to become more difficult.
Lessons learned seemed too much for you at times.  And you were often frustrated with yourself.
Years passed, and time seemed to harden you.
You became protective of a broken lonely heart, and although My love for you never changed, you did.
I remained over you, watching, but stopped being a part of you.
My realness seemed to become somewhat of a dream you had awoken from.
You let go of Me and lost Me in the process (or so you thought).
And when you reached out a hand to find mine I was not there.  There was a barrier between us.
I watched as your world changed, My name was no longer on your lips or in your heart.
This brought Me great sorrow, those few years that tried you the most had me in pain waiting for your return.
How I missed being by your side.
It broke my heart when your only recognition of me was to blame me for your pain.
I tried to tell you I was here to heal your pain.  But you did not hear me.
Every cry of desperation broke My heart even more.  I wanted you to know I heard every word.
You were always on My mind.  My thoughts were of your safe return.  Back in My arms where you belong.
But I knew you were too stubborn, you would pull through by your own strength.
Each decision on your own seemed to pull you down further.  You had lost your Compass, and so lost the Way.
Your spirit began to cry out.  I could feel such pain, but could do nothing until you came back to Me.
Life had hardened your heart though.
I knew I had to step in.
That's when you cried out to Me.
At that very moment I heard your cries, and sent the strongest angels who fought off what seemed to hold you down.
And although you could not see it, I was there in those nights.  Your struggles and sorrows became My enemy.  And I set the path again for you to find your way back to me.
Your story is not finished, there's still more to tell.  And I'm still here.  Waiting for you, with open arms.  Telling you to come home.

It makes a difference.

 

Today as I stood in church I had something on my heart that I wanted prayer for.  Sure I could have prayed at home, and I could ask others to pray for me, but I specifically wanted to go to the altar for this prayer.

As I waited for prayer time I had this feeling that it just was too weird to do this.. or maybe that it wasn’t a good enough reason to go to the altar.. or maybe it didn’t even MATTER if I went to the altar..  and then I got all self-conscious, and was like.. if I do go to get prayer people are going to talk about me.  They’re going to think that my life is falling apart and that there was something wrong!

All I wanted was to go to the altar and have my pastor’s pray with me about something I’ve been asking God for.  I’ve been praying a lot lately, and I’ve discovered that it makes a difference what you pray, when you pray, and where you pray!  The bible says when you pray to not babble on (Matt 6:7)… I take that as Jesus saying make sure you aren’t just praying to pray… have something of substance to pray about!  He even gives an example and explanation (Matt 6:8-15).

So I’ve been sharpening my heart.  I’ve been working on seeking God’s will and God’s promises for my life. I’ve been praying more, and reminding God of His word.  (Not for His sake, but for mine).  In the long-run it has been building my faith.  I feel a stronger attachment to God lately.  I feel like He is more responsible for me too.  I am starting to see myself as His child, and when I pray for things lately they aren’t tedious requests, they are from a heart that desire’s the good things He promised! 

This has been helping me tremendously.  Instead of crying over unanswered prayers I’m standing strong and reminding God of His promise’s for my life!  Instead of worrying about the future, I’m placing my cares and worries in His hands and asking what He’s going to do about it?

And today, against my own reluctance, I went to the altar because it makes a difference.  I pray all the time, but for some reason when I pray at the altar I feel a difference.

God created the altar as a place to worship Him.  Worship can be many forms.. it can be sacrifice or prayer.  It can be offering time or money.  But the altar itself is a Holy place, and it’s a place to approach God.  In the Old Testament it made its first appearance in Genesis. The two sons of Adam, Cain and Abel, both presented God with offerings.  Cain offered vegetables from the garden he cultivated and Abel offered fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock (Gen 4:3-4), Abel’s offering became what God said was acceptable.

Later in the Old Testament the altar was an Ark.. the Ark of the Covenant to be exact and was put together by Moses after God gave him the two tablets with the 10 commandments on them.  The Ark held the tablets and Manna from their journey away from Egypt to the “Promised Land”.  This Ark was where God’s presence dwelled, and was used by Moses to speak to God.   The Ark, itself, was NOT God.  It was only a tool used by God to speak to His people.  God didn’t want the people to look to objects when trying to reach Him, because those objects would be considered “idols”. 

God made it clear in the Old Testament of His desire for relationship with HIs people.  And in the New Testament He expanded “His people” to include all who wanted a relationship with Him.  All who called Him Lord were considered “His people” not just the Israelites.  And after Jesus died and rose from the grave it made it possible to have a relationship with Him without all the messy rituals.  Instead of sacrificing on the altar at the Temple people accepted Jesus’ offer for their own, believing His death to be the one that would remove the need to ever have to sacrifice again.

Jesus’ claim was a bold one.  But only The Christ could claim it.  Only the Son of God could truly be the sacrifice needed to atone for all sins.  Only the Power of the One who was All-Powerful could be strong enough.

So now when I look back at my faith and belief it helps to remember just how powerful that altar really is.  Believing Christ died for me means that Christ now lives in me.  When I approach the altar its not simply me going to the front of the church, it’s a cleansed Child of God approaching their Father… yes I can do this anywhere, but altar’s make a difference because it signifies my desire to approach a Holy God in reverence to Who He is.  He is God.  Simple, yet infinitely beyond explanation.  Two words are used when He describes Himself… I AM.  He is the GREAT I AM. Meaning He exists, and has always existed. 

So going to the altar today was not me trying to get a prayer answered (although ultimately that’s what I hope will happen).. no it was me approaching my Father wanting Him to know that I look to Him for help, and that I trust Him enough to ask for it.

Let God decide

Up until a few months ago I was pretty sure where God was pointing me.  Then I went on a mission trip to Africa and I feel like I've been flipped over and I'm standing on my head... Ok, that's being a bit dramatic... but seriously, I thought I knew what would come from me.. I thought I knew my capabilities, my strengths, and my weaknesses.. but most of all I thought I knew my audience.

What do I mean by that?? Why, I'm glad you asked!  Almost two years ago I wrote a book.  I got it published and everything.  I was excited.  But I was determined to help young women from a background similar to mine.  I wanted to teach them how to have a stronger relationship with God.

There were a few who desired just that, but eventually the cost seemed too much and those who wanted what it gave couldn't give what it was asking of them.  I don't blame them.. this is a hard life.  And it's a daily decision.

But back to my audience.  I thought my target audience would be young American women.  I wrote the book with them in mind.  And I never even considered that anyone else would even care about my book.  I am a nobody, after all.  After going to Africa and seeing the hunger in those places for God I started wondering what my book could do for them.  I did tell people about it, but it was really not a big topic with our focus more on the Orphanage and it's needs than on me.  It was okay.  I didn't want to take any attention from where it needed to be.

But then we went back to Kenya.  OH, my dear Kenya. Where to even begin??  On our way down to Tanzania our flight took us into Nairobi, Kenya.  My first impression of Nairobi was a scary one.  To say I had a culture shock was putting it lightly.  Our flight touched down after dark, so when we arrived and got through customs we found ourselves getting into Maurice's van by streetlights.  Maurice is the head of Manna Ministries, and was our contact there in Nairobi.  The airport parking lot was a small place, but it was packed, even at that time of night.  As we drove through the streets of Nairobi the dark was really not helping my fear.  The whole drive to our hotel I saw images that are burned into my brain.. trash littered the road and sidewalks.. there were all kinds of things on the side of the road other than trash too; mattresses, couches.. I couldn't believe my eyes.  The people walked everywhere there, so there were crowds of people in the city, then as we got to the inner parts we saw only a few stragglers.  We finally got to the hotel which was a Christian Hostel and it was neighbors to a Mosque that looked like Aladdin's Palace! But the fact that it was Muslim scared me.. they hate us was all I could hear in my head.  We finally got our keys and got into our room and I sat on the bed, the first bed I'd seen in over 14 hours.. and I just couldn't take it.  I cried.  It was horrifying and the fear I felt was real. When we went downstairs to get something to eat we noticed a window in front of our room with a bullet hole in it.. and that just added to my already growing list of reasons to be afraid of Kenya.
We finally left there the next day and went on our way to Tanzania, our initial Mission destination.  And I can't tell you the dread I felt knowing we had to come back for a few days.  There was a small knot that wouldn't go away the whole time we were in Tanzania.  Then the day we were leaving finally came and we found ourselves back in Kenya, only this time something had changed.  It was light out when we got there, so there were no shadows hiding scary things.  And once you've been to Tanzania and walked the streets of Mwanza you really don't have anything to fear.  I had spent a lot of time with the people of Africa and come to really appreciate them.  I loved these people!  And they were so proud to be African, it was a beautiful thing, and they are a beautiful people.  So I was a bit more open and less freaked out about the culture around me.
It helped that the sun was out.  It was a beautiful day and as our contact drove us to his home I watched the streets go by and wondered what it was that I was so afraid of?  This place had a feeling to it.. it was like a buzzing beehive.  Everyone had somewhere to be and they were going to it.  There were open fields with the trees of Africa that I loved so much.. and people walking everywhere!
That night we spent getting to know our hosts.  And it was revealed that I had written a book.  We spoke about it, and I really liked how interested they seemed.. but deep down I had this sinking feeling that my book would never be good enough for Kenya.
We went to the slums of Nairobi the next day.  We all met in the leaders office and asked me about getting a copy of my book.  The feeling came back.. how could this book possibly do him any good?? I knew the content.  I knew the writing style.. but I agreed.
As we walked through the slums I was overwhelmed by this strange feeling.. a scripture kept coming to me..

"Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I just couldn't understand it, but I felt like God was everywhere I walked when I was there. God is in Nairobi, I had no doubt.  And His power was there too.  This place, with it's obvious weaknesses, was the perfect setting for God's glory.  And that feeling never left me.  It didn't matter how dirty it was.  I just felt God, and there was so much good stuff to prove His presence too!
When I got home I was supposed to order a book and send it to the leader of Manna Ministries.  But I put it off.  Then finally I spoke to Maurice and told him of my worries for the book.  You know what he said?

"It's ok, just pray and let God."

What I take from that?  I need to stop thinking I know exactly what's going on.  I decided when I wrote the book who I was writing it for, but maybe God had decided something else.  And because this opportunity to have someone in Kenya read the book was outside of my idea of who it was for, I just didn't see it doing them any good.

Well.  I'm waiting on two copies as we speak.  I will be shipping them to Kenya, and I'm going to let God decide just who this book is for.  Especially since I wrote it for Him.

Seriously. It’s UNENDING. Part 3

 

eternal: adjective; without pause; endless

Synonyms:
abiding, ageless, always, amaranthine, boundless, ceaseless, constant, continual,continued, continuous, dateless, deathless, enduring, everlasting, forever, illimitable,immemorial, immortal, immutable, imperishable, incessant, indefinite, indestructible,infinite, interminable, lasting, never-ending, perdurable, perennial, permanent, perpetual,persistent, relentless, termless, timeless, unbroken, unceasing, undying, unending,unfading, uninterrupted, unremitting, without end

Antonyms:
brief, changeable, changing, ending, ephemeral, stopping, temporary, terminable,transient

I’m starting to think this whole lesson was more for me than it was for anyone else.  You see I’m struggling very deeply with some major questions.  Questions of whether Jesus was really who He said He was.  This man no doubt changed lives.  He impacted more than just Israel, even writings in other religions speak of Him.  But they don’t see Him as the Son of God.  They don’t see Him as the living Word.  They don’t doubt His existence, but they do doubt His divinity.  He was just another man to them.  A powerful prophet.. but merely human. 

His claims were pretty bold.  So why should I believe them?  I’ve spent a good portion of my life just believing without thinking about it.  But over the last year that hasn’t settled well with me.  To say I had a crisis of faith was putting it lightly.  I went to Africa and was face to face with something I didn’t expect… my faith.  And I discovered it wasn’t as strong as I thought.  And that scared the you know what out of me.  I felt like such a fraud, but I continued on.  I worked on scripture verses to study, but I was at my lowest point and I had no idea how anything I did could be of use. 

You know what happened?  I was given what to say whenever I was supposed to speak.  And every time I spoke it lined up with everything the other speakers were saying.  It’s funny, I thought in that moment feeling so low and weak I would be useless, but God took that moment to use me more than I ever expected.  And maybe I was being optimistic, but I guess I figured after that I would never have issues or struggles with my faith.  I guess I assumed those moments of being used would be like my glue to my faith.  I was caught off guard when I continuously was wavering in my faith throughout the rest of the trip and the following weeks after my return.  What was wrong with me?? I thought this trip was going to seal my position as a strong Christian, yet I still found myself struggling?? Still had to constantly figure out who Jesus was?  Still had to seek proof that He was real???

What a bi-polar faith I was struggling with.  And still struggle with, cause it’s not over.  I still find myself questioning Him.  But I think Jesus knew my awesome issues before I did.

After all the miracles and teachings you’d think this trip to the world was a slam-dunk for Jesus.  But no such luck… “But despite all the miraculous signs Jesus had done, most of the people still did not believe in Him.” John 12:37nlt

So obviously I am not the only one to ever have struggled with this. 

We last left off when Jesus had left His public ministry (John 11:54).  Jesus then spends time before the Passover celebration specifically teaching His disciples.  They were all gathered for supper in Jerusalem.  Jesus washes the feet of His disciples (ch. 13:3-4), to show His disciples about how important it is to follow His example and to take care of each other.  They share the infamous “Last Supper” (ch 13). Judas takes off to go get the men that will arrest Jesus, and Jesus gives important instructions to the remaining disciples.

These 3 blogs all were to lead up to this one lesson.  The lesson of life.  Jesus knew what the disciples were facing, because He faced it too.  He took this last night with them before His crucifixion to help them understand Him, His purpose, their purpose, and give them encouragement for the coming days. 

He spoke of the way to the Father (ch 14:6), He promised the Holy Spirit (ch 14:16), He spoke of being the True Vine (ch. 15), He told them they didn’t belong to the world (ch 15:19), He taught about the Holy Spirit (ch 16:7), and He speaks them about the coming days (ch 16:16).

And nestled at the very end of Chapter 16 is a scripture that has inspired these last few lessons.

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me.  Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.  But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33nlt

The words that follow are His prayers. Prayers for Himself, His Disciples and for future Believers.

But oh! That last scripture of chapter 16.  It has hit me so hard lately.  He spent all this time with His creation, teaching them, healing them, and finally He was about to redeem them.  What a remarkable Savior we have.  God, coming down and taking what was rightfully our punishment, simply because of one reason: His love for us.  Jesus coming was not simple.  And all that He spoke of still stands today.  And when I read that scripture I honestly think Jesus knew that all He had done and would do would one day come into question for everyone.  I don’t care how strong of a Christian you claim to be, everyone comes to the point where they wonder.. is this for real?

Every time something bad happens, every sad life event.. disease, cancer, and death… I’ve heard some horror life stories.  People coming from a life of drug addiction, or alcohol addiction.. people coming from families who have abused them in multiple ways.  People who spend their whole life with good things, yet still feel something isn’t quite right. 

What we face is not easy.  It’s hard.  Life is horrible sometimes.  And sometimes no matter how hard we try we never are able to change that fact.

But Jesus?  Jesus overcame all that.  His last days on earth were spent doing something that has rocked the very core of everything we know.  There are those who choose to disregard it.. to not think about it, and to flat out deny it.  How could it even be possible??  It just doesn’t seem logical.

And the problem with believing the resurrection??  Well, then that means EVERYTHING ELSE IS REAL TOO.

The Bible stops being some fairy-tale or legend book and becomes alive.  And that’s scary.  Then once you start thinking about the possibility of it being real suddenly the world takes on a new meaning, and you become the enemy of the one who is in power.  And then you realize, OH DEAR GOD, the devil is REAL????

I know.  It makes you seem nuts.  Trust me, I’ve been there.  I’m there every day. And this happy little bubble that I used to live in is suddenly gone.  All my fantasy characters have faded, all my stories and dreams seem lifeless and pointless.

And it has left me with one thing in my heart and mind… What do I do about this?  I try to shut it out.  I try to watch meaningless movies and tv shows to keep my mind occupied, but working as a hospice aide it forces me back to those thoughts.. is this all there is to life?

I don’t doubt God’s existence.  And getting to know Jesus has definitely impacted how I live now.  Some think there’s something wrong with me, but there isn’t.  I’m better than I’ve ever been.  I work hard, I love my job, I have goals of teaching and visiting other countries and telling the stories of all those I meet. 

I was just watching The Lord of the Rings and there is a part where Frodo is speaking to Gandalf.. his very words gave me goosebumps, but oddly I can identify with them…

Frodo: I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.

When I heard this part of the movie I felt like I was Frodo and Gandalf was Jesus.. and instead of the words in the movie this was inside my head…

Me: I wish this knowledge had never come to me.  I wish none of this had happened.

Jesus: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide.  All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.

I know what I need to do with my time, its just that doing it has presented itself as more difficult than I expected.  It seems like my lessons never end, because the lessons I’m learning are never-ending.  And the trials and sorrows don’t end either.  What I’ve learned from all this is that I will always struggle.  There will always be something I will need to conquer or face.. always a lesson to be learned, or something to overcome.. but I don’t need to be afraid, no, because the one I believe in?  This Jesus? Well He has overcome this world that brings me down, and He will help me overcome it too. 

And if you want that for yourself, well don’t wait!  Tell Jesus you want His help in overcoming the world, because you’re tired of doing it alone.  And why not ask the Creator?  There’s no one better to ask!