What do I mean by that?? Why, I'm glad you asked! Almost two years ago I wrote a book. I got it published and everything. I was excited. But I was determined to help young women from a background similar to mine. I wanted to teach them how to have a stronger relationship with God.
There were a few who desired just that, but eventually the cost seemed too much and those who wanted what it gave couldn't give what it was asking of them. I don't blame them.. this is a hard life. And it's a daily decision.
But back to my audience. I thought my target audience would be young American women. I wrote the book with them in mind. And I never even considered that anyone else would even care about my book. I am a nobody, after all. After going to Africa and seeing the hunger in those places for God I started wondering what my book could do for them. I did tell people about it, but it was really not a big topic with our focus more on the Orphanage and it's needs than on me. It was okay. I didn't want to take any attention from where it needed to be.
But then we went back to Kenya. OH, my dear Kenya. Where to even begin?? On our way down to Tanzania our flight took us into Nairobi, Kenya. My first impression of Nairobi was a scary one. To say I had a culture shock was putting it lightly. Our flight touched down after dark, so when we arrived and got through customs we found ourselves getting into Maurice's van by streetlights. Maurice is the head of Manna Ministries, and was our contact there in Nairobi. The airport parking lot was a small place, but it was packed, even at that time of night. As we drove through the streets of Nairobi the dark was really not helping my fear. The whole drive to our hotel I saw images that are burned into my brain.. trash littered the road and sidewalks.. there were all kinds of things on the side of the road other than trash too; mattresses, couches.. I couldn't believe my eyes. The people walked everywhere there, so there were crowds of people in the city, then as we got to the inner parts we saw only a few stragglers. We finally got to the hotel which was a Christian Hostel and it was neighbors to a Mosque that looked like Aladdin's Palace! But the fact that it was Muslim scared me.. they hate us was all I could hear in my head. We finally got our keys and got into our room and I sat on the bed, the first bed I'd seen in over 14 hours.. and I just couldn't take it. I cried. It was horrifying and the fear I felt was real. When we went downstairs to get something to eat we noticed a window in front of our room with a bullet hole in it.. and that just added to my already growing list of reasons to be afraid of Kenya.
We finally left there the next day and went on our way to Tanzania, our initial Mission destination. And I can't tell you the dread I felt knowing we had to come back for a few days. There was a small knot that wouldn't go away the whole time we were in Tanzania. Then the day we were leaving finally came and we found ourselves back in Kenya, only this time something had changed. It was light out when we got there, so there were no shadows hiding scary things. And once you've been to Tanzania and walked the streets of Mwanza you really don't have anything to fear. I had spent a lot of time with the people of Africa and come to really appreciate them. I loved these people! And they were so proud to be African, it was a beautiful thing, and they are a beautiful people. So I was a bit more open and less freaked out about the culture around me.
It helped that the sun was out. It was a beautiful day and as our contact drove us to his home I watched the streets go by and wondered what it was that I was so afraid of? This place had a feeling to it.. it was like a buzzing beehive. Everyone had somewhere to be and they were going to it. There were open fields with the trees of Africa that I loved so much.. and people walking everywhere!
That night we spent getting to know our hosts. And it was revealed that I had written a book. We spoke about it, and I really liked how interested they seemed.. but deep down I had this sinking feeling that my book would never be good enough for Kenya.
We went to the slums of Nairobi the next day. We all met in the leaders office and asked me about getting a copy of my book. The feeling came back.. how could this book possibly do him any good?? I knew the content. I knew the writing style.. but I agreed.
As we walked through the slums I was overwhelmed by this strange feeling.. a scripture kept coming to me..
"Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
I just couldn't understand it, but I felt like God was everywhere I walked when I was there. God is in Nairobi, I had no doubt. And His power was there too. This place, with it's obvious weaknesses, was the perfect setting for God's glory. And that feeling never left me. It didn't matter how dirty it was. I just felt God, and there was so much good stuff to prove His presence too!
When I got home I was supposed to order a book and send it to the leader of Manna Ministries. But I put it off. Then finally I spoke to Maurice and told him of my worries for the book. You know what he said?
"It's ok, just pray and let God."
What I take from that? I need to stop thinking I know exactly what's going on. I decided when I wrote the book who I was writing it for, but maybe God had decided something else. And because this opportunity to have someone in Kenya read the book was outside of my idea of who it was for, I just didn't see it doing them any good.
Well. I'm waiting on two copies as we speak. I will be shipping them to Kenya, and I'm going to let God decide just who this book is for. Especially since I wrote it for Him.
No comments:
Post a Comment