Have you ever had that feeling that there’s something more out there? Like there’s more to life than what we see? Well, I know that feeling my friend, and in my experience that is God pursuing you. The bible has many stories of God reaching out to His creation, and has put the desire inside of us all to reach back to Him. I found out in the course of writing this book that if I really looked back and thought about it, God had been pursuing me all my young life just waiting for the day that I would turn and see Him. I have many examples of how God has pursued me, but let’s first focus on the one that pushed me to change.
It was mid-February and I had literally just broken up with my first long-term boyfriend at the beginning of the month. I moved back in with my parents having nowhere else to go. Obviously my pain was still very fresh and I was extremely sensitive about my recent loss of the relationship. Every Wednesday night at my home church we had a bible study group that I had been avoiding for a while. One not so special night I needed to get out of the house, so I decided to go. I’m willing to bet God knew I was going to be at this particular class, and saw fit to time this class to be the one that my pastor was giving about dealing with “Disappointment and failure”. Sweet, right? Ugh. Not really. I couldn’t believe the words on the study guide that was handed to me. Almost at once I could feel my heart begin to go crazy and my eyes fill with tears! How was it that the day I decide to come back was the one that my Pastor would shove all my recent disappointments and failures (literally) in my face? It was not very funny. In fact I thought it was pretty mean. But I know now that it was God trying to tell me that He saw my pain, and wanted to help me. Most of that night was spent using every last bit of self-control to not leave or break down in front of a room full of people. That study group lesson opened up a deep wound that I really didn’t want to deal with at that point. I just wanted all the pain to be gone without having to deal with it. But instead, I felt it all over again, and I felt so broken that I was afraid if I let go of my emotions I would fall apart in front of everyone and I didn’t like that one bit. After leaving I remember crying the whole drive home. It was only by the grace of God that I didn’t get into an accident, and made it home safely. Needless to say, that was a hard night. But that was also my billboard, my knock over the head where God was saying to me:
“Hey it’s me, and I’d like your attention please.”
That night I literally felt like I had hit rock bottom, but you know what? A good friend of mine once told me that it took hitting rock bottom to see just what Rock you are standing on. And you know what? He was right. (Thanks Paul!)
It was the season of Lent and every year so far I had given something up to grow spiritually, so I figured what the heck? I decided to give up dating, which was no real loss; I was pretty ticked at the male race at this particular time. So I was going to put all my focus on God, and not pay attention to guys. It seemed simple enough but I felt a part of me cringe because I could hear a voice inside of me saying that if I did this that’s when the guy of my dreams was going to come along and I’m going to miss him. But I could hear Jesus’ voice loud and clear over that one saying, “If you really want this you’re going to have to trust Me.”
The first thing I did was make a promise to God, I even wrote it down so I could sort of see it as a contract, that I wasn’t going to date anyone for 40 days. I was just going to focus on reading my bible, and spend time praying. My main objective was to get to know God; to learn about Him. I wanted to seek Him out on purpose. I also wanted to heal from my broken heart, and learn how to trust Him.
Not dating during the forty days of Lent was easy since I was too depressed to even talk to guys. So when Easter Sunday came I found myself unsatisfied with the results. I wanted answers at this point but just ended up with more questions. How annoying, right?? I then realized that I had stumbled onto something much greater then I had intended. This thing was going to take more time and more sacrifice if I wanted those answers. I had to take this more seriously. And that’s when I made a choice to forget dating for a little while longer so I could dig a little deeper. I had been chasing after a life that fell apart, and I wanted to know why it went wrong.
That’s when God spoke to me. He told me to stop dating other guys, and date Him. I know how crazy that sounds, trust me. But the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to do it. Ponder this with me: When you want to grow in a relationship with someone do you go by what everyone else says about them, or do you want to experience it yourself? Seriously, imagine you’re dating someone, but you only talk to them through others, and the others do all the talking to them! Does that make sense? Don’t you think that you should talk to your own boyfriend or girlfriend? And they should talk to you! That’s how you build a relationship, duh.
So it became pretty obvious that I needed to go straight to God if I wanted to build a relationship with Him. If there’s a red flag going up, saying, “Hold up, go straight to God? Is this girl serious?” Well, yes I am. The reason I could go straight to God (if you aren’t already aware) is because of Jesus Christ. Now don’t go painting me to be crazy because I believe in Jesus. I wouldn’t blame you if you were a little weirded out. But seriously He is the only reason I could do what I did. I even have a scripture to back me up!
~Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.” John 14:6NLT~
It was easy at first, my pride started to get the best of me a little bit too, but months in when the feelings of loneliness started to come I suddenly found myself humbled and with a new respect for those waiting on God.
As I began this journey I did not understand the amount of commitment, determination, and strength that being pure and dating only God was going to need, but I found out real quick. I should tell you that I was not perfect at it. There were times that I did not faithfully read my bible. **GASP** But I did give up regular dating, and I constantly found myself talking to God about everything as though I were dating Him. Also, in the process of building a relationship with God, He taught me how to be a good friend, sister, and daughter. I was getting too good at pushing people away and God knew I would need them through this.
I dedicated the whole year to this idea. During this time I read every Christian dating book I could get my hands on. I wanted to use this time to see how others built their relationship with God. One book that helped me the most and inspired me to give up dating was called “I kissed Dating Goodbye” written by Joshua Harris1. I’d say this book forever changed my views on relationships.
Yes, I had ups and downs, moments of sadness and trials, but I allowed myself to feel it all because I didn’t want to push away feelings anymore. I grew up in a family that hardly ever showed their emotions, in a way it was seen as a weakness and looked down on, but I was sick of feeling like it wasn’t okay to cry or be angry or anything else. I wanted so badly to let these things out that I felt like I was going to explode. And as I allowed myself to feel each emotion I soon found that the aftermath was not a disaster, I actually felt better!
So I let God pursue me, and as He pursued me I felt myself turning to Him more. God also opened my eyes to all of the things He had done and was doing to get my attention; He showed me that He never stopped pursuing me even after I stopped reaching out to Him! One thing He branded in my brain through this was one scripture:
~“And the LORD, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8 NKJV~
In the following chapters I will share how God used some surprising techniques to teach me about Himself, in every way. Who He really is, and how to get closer to Him. And by the way, I just wanted to give you a heads up… this is not a book on how to have a better human relationship (although ultimately it will give you that and much more), it’s a book to learn how to have a better relationship with Our Father, His Son, and The Holy Spirit. I hope it blesses you as much as it has blessed me!!
And I want to apologize in advance if I tend to go off on a tangent in some parts… that’s what my Young Adult groupee’s and I refer to as “chasing rabbits”. Trust me, it’s funnier than it seems.
~If you like what you’ve read good news!! This is a published book!!! You can order your very own copy on BarnesandNoble.com or WestbowPress.com
Just look up Dating God: A true Story of How I Dated God by Jocelynn Burton
And thanks for your support!!
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