It makes a difference.

 

Today as I stood in church I had something on my heart that I wanted prayer for.  Sure I could have prayed at home, and I could ask others to pray for me, but I specifically wanted to go to the altar for this prayer.

As I waited for prayer time I had this feeling that it just was too weird to do this.. or maybe that it wasn’t a good enough reason to go to the altar.. or maybe it didn’t even MATTER if I went to the altar..  and then I got all self-conscious, and was like.. if I do go to get prayer people are going to talk about me.  They’re going to think that my life is falling apart and that there was something wrong!

All I wanted was to go to the altar and have my pastor’s pray with me about something I’ve been asking God for.  I’ve been praying a lot lately, and I’ve discovered that it makes a difference what you pray, when you pray, and where you pray!  The bible says when you pray to not babble on (Matt 6:7)… I take that as Jesus saying make sure you aren’t just praying to pray… have something of substance to pray about!  He even gives an example and explanation (Matt 6:8-15).

So I’ve been sharpening my heart.  I’ve been working on seeking God’s will and God’s promises for my life. I’ve been praying more, and reminding God of His word.  (Not for His sake, but for mine).  In the long-run it has been building my faith.  I feel a stronger attachment to God lately.  I feel like He is more responsible for me too.  I am starting to see myself as His child, and when I pray for things lately they aren’t tedious requests, they are from a heart that desire’s the good things He promised! 

This has been helping me tremendously.  Instead of crying over unanswered prayers I’m standing strong and reminding God of His promise’s for my life!  Instead of worrying about the future, I’m placing my cares and worries in His hands and asking what He’s going to do about it?

And today, against my own reluctance, I went to the altar because it makes a difference.  I pray all the time, but for some reason when I pray at the altar I feel a difference.

God created the altar as a place to worship Him.  Worship can be many forms.. it can be sacrifice or prayer.  It can be offering time or money.  But the altar itself is a Holy place, and it’s a place to approach God.  In the Old Testament it made its first appearance in Genesis. The two sons of Adam, Cain and Abel, both presented God with offerings.  Cain offered vegetables from the garden he cultivated and Abel offered fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock (Gen 4:3-4), Abel’s offering became what God said was acceptable.

Later in the Old Testament the altar was an Ark.. the Ark of the Covenant to be exact and was put together by Moses after God gave him the two tablets with the 10 commandments on them.  The Ark held the tablets and Manna from their journey away from Egypt to the “Promised Land”.  This Ark was where God’s presence dwelled, and was used by Moses to speak to God.   The Ark, itself, was NOT God.  It was only a tool used by God to speak to His people.  God didn’t want the people to look to objects when trying to reach Him, because those objects would be considered “idols”. 

God made it clear in the Old Testament of His desire for relationship with HIs people.  And in the New Testament He expanded “His people” to include all who wanted a relationship with Him.  All who called Him Lord were considered “His people” not just the Israelites.  And after Jesus died and rose from the grave it made it possible to have a relationship with Him without all the messy rituals.  Instead of sacrificing on the altar at the Temple people accepted Jesus’ offer for their own, believing His death to be the one that would remove the need to ever have to sacrifice again.

Jesus’ claim was a bold one.  But only The Christ could claim it.  Only the Son of God could truly be the sacrifice needed to atone for all sins.  Only the Power of the One who was All-Powerful could be strong enough.

So now when I look back at my faith and belief it helps to remember just how powerful that altar really is.  Believing Christ died for me means that Christ now lives in me.  When I approach the altar its not simply me going to the front of the church, it’s a cleansed Child of God approaching their Father… yes I can do this anywhere, but altar’s make a difference because it signifies my desire to approach a Holy God in reverence to Who He is.  He is God.  Simple, yet infinitely beyond explanation.  Two words are used when He describes Himself… I AM.  He is the GREAT I AM. Meaning He exists, and has always existed. 

So going to the altar today was not me trying to get a prayer answered (although ultimately that’s what I hope will happen).. no it was me approaching my Father wanting Him to know that I look to Him for help, and that I trust Him enough to ask for it.

Let God decide

Up until a few months ago I was pretty sure where God was pointing me.  Then I went on a mission trip to Africa and I feel like I've been flipped over and I'm standing on my head... Ok, that's being a bit dramatic... but seriously, I thought I knew what would come from me.. I thought I knew my capabilities, my strengths, and my weaknesses.. but most of all I thought I knew my audience.

What do I mean by that?? Why, I'm glad you asked!  Almost two years ago I wrote a book.  I got it published and everything.  I was excited.  But I was determined to help young women from a background similar to mine.  I wanted to teach them how to have a stronger relationship with God.

There were a few who desired just that, but eventually the cost seemed too much and those who wanted what it gave couldn't give what it was asking of them.  I don't blame them.. this is a hard life.  And it's a daily decision.

But back to my audience.  I thought my target audience would be young American women.  I wrote the book with them in mind.  And I never even considered that anyone else would even care about my book.  I am a nobody, after all.  After going to Africa and seeing the hunger in those places for God I started wondering what my book could do for them.  I did tell people about it, but it was really not a big topic with our focus more on the Orphanage and it's needs than on me.  It was okay.  I didn't want to take any attention from where it needed to be.

But then we went back to Kenya.  OH, my dear Kenya. Where to even begin??  On our way down to Tanzania our flight took us into Nairobi, Kenya.  My first impression of Nairobi was a scary one.  To say I had a culture shock was putting it lightly.  Our flight touched down after dark, so when we arrived and got through customs we found ourselves getting into Maurice's van by streetlights.  Maurice is the head of Manna Ministries, and was our contact there in Nairobi.  The airport parking lot was a small place, but it was packed, even at that time of night.  As we drove through the streets of Nairobi the dark was really not helping my fear.  The whole drive to our hotel I saw images that are burned into my brain.. trash littered the road and sidewalks.. there were all kinds of things on the side of the road other than trash too; mattresses, couches.. I couldn't believe my eyes.  The people walked everywhere there, so there were crowds of people in the city, then as we got to the inner parts we saw only a few stragglers.  We finally got to the hotel which was a Christian Hostel and it was neighbors to a Mosque that looked like Aladdin's Palace! But the fact that it was Muslim scared me.. they hate us was all I could hear in my head.  We finally got our keys and got into our room and I sat on the bed, the first bed I'd seen in over 14 hours.. and I just couldn't take it.  I cried.  It was horrifying and the fear I felt was real. When we went downstairs to get something to eat we noticed a window in front of our room with a bullet hole in it.. and that just added to my already growing list of reasons to be afraid of Kenya.
We finally left there the next day and went on our way to Tanzania, our initial Mission destination.  And I can't tell you the dread I felt knowing we had to come back for a few days.  There was a small knot that wouldn't go away the whole time we were in Tanzania.  Then the day we were leaving finally came and we found ourselves back in Kenya, only this time something had changed.  It was light out when we got there, so there were no shadows hiding scary things.  And once you've been to Tanzania and walked the streets of Mwanza you really don't have anything to fear.  I had spent a lot of time with the people of Africa and come to really appreciate them.  I loved these people!  And they were so proud to be African, it was a beautiful thing, and they are a beautiful people.  So I was a bit more open and less freaked out about the culture around me.
It helped that the sun was out.  It was a beautiful day and as our contact drove us to his home I watched the streets go by and wondered what it was that I was so afraid of?  This place had a feeling to it.. it was like a buzzing beehive.  Everyone had somewhere to be and they were going to it.  There were open fields with the trees of Africa that I loved so much.. and people walking everywhere!
That night we spent getting to know our hosts.  And it was revealed that I had written a book.  We spoke about it, and I really liked how interested they seemed.. but deep down I had this sinking feeling that my book would never be good enough for Kenya.
We went to the slums of Nairobi the next day.  We all met in the leaders office and asked me about getting a copy of my book.  The feeling came back.. how could this book possibly do him any good?? I knew the content.  I knew the writing style.. but I agreed.
As we walked through the slums I was overwhelmed by this strange feeling.. a scripture kept coming to me..

"Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I just couldn't understand it, but I felt like God was everywhere I walked when I was there. God is in Nairobi, I had no doubt.  And His power was there too.  This place, with it's obvious weaknesses, was the perfect setting for God's glory.  And that feeling never left me.  It didn't matter how dirty it was.  I just felt God, and there was so much good stuff to prove His presence too!
When I got home I was supposed to order a book and send it to the leader of Manna Ministries.  But I put it off.  Then finally I spoke to Maurice and told him of my worries for the book.  You know what he said?

"It's ok, just pray and let God."

What I take from that?  I need to stop thinking I know exactly what's going on.  I decided when I wrote the book who I was writing it for, but maybe God had decided something else.  And because this opportunity to have someone in Kenya read the book was outside of my idea of who it was for, I just didn't see it doing them any good.

Well.  I'm waiting on two copies as we speak.  I will be shipping them to Kenya, and I'm going to let God decide just who this book is for.  Especially since I wrote it for Him.

Seriously. It’s UNENDING. Part 3

 

eternal: adjective; without pause; endless

Synonyms:
abiding, ageless, always, amaranthine, boundless, ceaseless, constant, continual,continued, continuous, dateless, deathless, enduring, everlasting, forever, illimitable,immemorial, immortal, immutable, imperishable, incessant, indefinite, indestructible,infinite, interminable, lasting, never-ending, perdurable, perennial, permanent, perpetual,persistent, relentless, termless, timeless, unbroken, unceasing, undying, unending,unfading, uninterrupted, unremitting, without end

Antonyms:
brief, changeable, changing, ending, ephemeral, stopping, temporary, terminable,transient

I’m starting to think this whole lesson was more for me than it was for anyone else.  You see I’m struggling very deeply with some major questions.  Questions of whether Jesus was really who He said He was.  This man no doubt changed lives.  He impacted more than just Israel, even writings in other religions speak of Him.  But they don’t see Him as the Son of God.  They don’t see Him as the living Word.  They don’t doubt His existence, but they do doubt His divinity.  He was just another man to them.  A powerful prophet.. but merely human. 

His claims were pretty bold.  So why should I believe them?  I’ve spent a good portion of my life just believing without thinking about it.  But over the last year that hasn’t settled well with me.  To say I had a crisis of faith was putting it lightly.  I went to Africa and was face to face with something I didn’t expect… my faith.  And I discovered it wasn’t as strong as I thought.  And that scared the you know what out of me.  I felt like such a fraud, but I continued on.  I worked on scripture verses to study, but I was at my lowest point and I had no idea how anything I did could be of use. 

You know what happened?  I was given what to say whenever I was supposed to speak.  And every time I spoke it lined up with everything the other speakers were saying.  It’s funny, I thought in that moment feeling so low and weak I would be useless, but God took that moment to use me more than I ever expected.  And maybe I was being optimistic, but I guess I figured after that I would never have issues or struggles with my faith.  I guess I assumed those moments of being used would be like my glue to my faith.  I was caught off guard when I continuously was wavering in my faith throughout the rest of the trip and the following weeks after my return.  What was wrong with me?? I thought this trip was going to seal my position as a strong Christian, yet I still found myself struggling?? Still had to constantly figure out who Jesus was?  Still had to seek proof that He was real???

What a bi-polar faith I was struggling with.  And still struggle with, cause it’s not over.  I still find myself questioning Him.  But I think Jesus knew my awesome issues before I did.

After all the miracles and teachings you’d think this trip to the world was a slam-dunk for Jesus.  But no such luck… “But despite all the miraculous signs Jesus had done, most of the people still did not believe in Him.” John 12:37nlt

So obviously I am not the only one to ever have struggled with this. 

We last left off when Jesus had left His public ministry (John 11:54).  Jesus then spends time before the Passover celebration specifically teaching His disciples.  They were all gathered for supper in Jerusalem.  Jesus washes the feet of His disciples (ch. 13:3-4), to show His disciples about how important it is to follow His example and to take care of each other.  They share the infamous “Last Supper” (ch 13). Judas takes off to go get the men that will arrest Jesus, and Jesus gives important instructions to the remaining disciples.

These 3 blogs all were to lead up to this one lesson.  The lesson of life.  Jesus knew what the disciples were facing, because He faced it too.  He took this last night with them before His crucifixion to help them understand Him, His purpose, their purpose, and give them encouragement for the coming days. 

He spoke of the way to the Father (ch 14:6), He promised the Holy Spirit (ch 14:16), He spoke of being the True Vine (ch. 15), He told them they didn’t belong to the world (ch 15:19), He taught about the Holy Spirit (ch 16:7), and He speaks them about the coming days (ch 16:16).

And nestled at the very end of Chapter 16 is a scripture that has inspired these last few lessons.

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me.  Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.  But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33nlt

The words that follow are His prayers. Prayers for Himself, His Disciples and for future Believers.

But oh! That last scripture of chapter 16.  It has hit me so hard lately.  He spent all this time with His creation, teaching them, healing them, and finally He was about to redeem them.  What a remarkable Savior we have.  God, coming down and taking what was rightfully our punishment, simply because of one reason: His love for us.  Jesus coming was not simple.  And all that He spoke of still stands today.  And when I read that scripture I honestly think Jesus knew that all He had done and would do would one day come into question for everyone.  I don’t care how strong of a Christian you claim to be, everyone comes to the point where they wonder.. is this for real?

Every time something bad happens, every sad life event.. disease, cancer, and death… I’ve heard some horror life stories.  People coming from a life of drug addiction, or alcohol addiction.. people coming from families who have abused them in multiple ways.  People who spend their whole life with good things, yet still feel something isn’t quite right. 

What we face is not easy.  It’s hard.  Life is horrible sometimes.  And sometimes no matter how hard we try we never are able to change that fact.

But Jesus?  Jesus overcame all that.  His last days on earth were spent doing something that has rocked the very core of everything we know.  There are those who choose to disregard it.. to not think about it, and to flat out deny it.  How could it even be possible??  It just doesn’t seem logical.

And the problem with believing the resurrection??  Well, then that means EVERYTHING ELSE IS REAL TOO.

The Bible stops being some fairy-tale or legend book and becomes alive.  And that’s scary.  Then once you start thinking about the possibility of it being real suddenly the world takes on a new meaning, and you become the enemy of the one who is in power.  And then you realize, OH DEAR GOD, the devil is REAL????

I know.  It makes you seem nuts.  Trust me, I’ve been there.  I’m there every day. And this happy little bubble that I used to live in is suddenly gone.  All my fantasy characters have faded, all my stories and dreams seem lifeless and pointless.

And it has left me with one thing in my heart and mind… What do I do about this?  I try to shut it out.  I try to watch meaningless movies and tv shows to keep my mind occupied, but working as a hospice aide it forces me back to those thoughts.. is this all there is to life?

I don’t doubt God’s existence.  And getting to know Jesus has definitely impacted how I live now.  Some think there’s something wrong with me, but there isn’t.  I’m better than I’ve ever been.  I work hard, I love my job, I have goals of teaching and visiting other countries and telling the stories of all those I meet. 

I was just watching The Lord of the Rings and there is a part where Frodo is speaking to Gandalf.. his very words gave me goosebumps, but oddly I can identify with them…

Frodo: I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.

When I heard this part of the movie I felt like I was Frodo and Gandalf was Jesus.. and instead of the words in the movie this was inside my head…

Me: I wish this knowledge had never come to me.  I wish none of this had happened.

Jesus: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide.  All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.

I know what I need to do with my time, its just that doing it has presented itself as more difficult than I expected.  It seems like my lessons never end, because the lessons I’m learning are never-ending.  And the trials and sorrows don’t end either.  What I’ve learned from all this is that I will always struggle.  There will always be something I will need to conquer or face.. always a lesson to be learned, or something to overcome.. but I don’t need to be afraid, no, because the one I believe in?  This Jesus? Well He has overcome this world that brings me down, and He will help me overcome it too. 

And if you want that for yourself, well don’t wait!  Tell Jesus you want His help in overcoming the world, because you’re tired of doing it alone.  And why not ask the Creator?  There’s no one better to ask!

It NEVER ends. Part 2

When we left off we had just been introduced to John the Baptist.  We were in Bethany, and the Leader's of the Law were more than a little curious about what was going on. So they sent some guys to find out (ch 1:19-28).  The next day Jesus had shown up, and John wasn’t quiet about it.  He was telling anyone who’d listen just who Jesus was (ch 1:29-34). 
John had just baptized Him in the Jordan the day before, and had witnessed one unbelievable site.. God had told John he would baptize the Messiah, that he would “See the Spirit descend upon Him.”  I’m not sure of what that would look like, but it definitely impacted John, and he needed nothing else to begin sharing with the world that Jesus was the Messiah. 
From that moment on, in the Gospel of John, you see the ripple-effect that Jesus was having on the world.  He performs miracles and healings.  He goes from one village to another changing lives, reviving the dying souls and restoring that which was stolen from many people… hope, faith, and love.
Jesus’ ministry took Him all over Israel.  In Galilee Jesus turned water to wine(ch 2:7-8).  In Jerusalem He taught a religious leader about being “born again” (ch 3:3) In Samaria He met a woman at a well and spoke into her life like no one else ever had, revealing to her that He was the Messiah (ch 4:9-26). He preached all over Galilee and Samaria, speaking to all who wanted to hear(ch 4).  He healed a crippled man by simply telling him to get up and walk (ch. 5:8).  He fed thousands by simply passing out the food (ch 6:11).  He walked across the water, and calmed the stormy sea of Galilee (ch 6:19-21).
With all these amazing things He was doing you’d think it wouldn’t take much convincing, but He came up against plenty of unbelief.  People just couldn’t grasp what He was claiming about Himself(ch 6:22-66)  But it wasn’t just His followers who had a hard time with their belief.  Jesus constantly faced conflict with the religious leaders.  He would openly teach at the Temple, which would really get under the skin of those who felt it was undermining their power and authority.  This man was making them look like fools!  And not only that, He was saying they were not obeying the law they were teaching.  It didn’t sit right with them.
Things started getting a bit hairy for Jesus.  Attempts on His life, and attempts to arrest Him became a normal occurrence.  Yet still He carried on with His mission.  It never fazed Him, never worried Him, and never slowed Him down.  He became more bold about speaking to the crowds, telling of His position as the Son of God, and the Light of the world (ch 8:12-19).  He warns the people of a coming Judgement, and speaks of His death on the cross (ch 8:21-30) and I imagine hearing Him say some of these things were a little rough to hear, but His words were believed by many people. 
Yet He was STILL constantly having to explain Who He was.  Constantly up against people who wanted Him to admit defeat. But even when they’d stoop to low ways of trying to get Jesus to fumble and make a mistake, it never happened.  His ministry was solid.  After raising Lazarus from the dead (ch 11:41-44) things went from hairy to downright dangerous.  The religious leaders had had enough, and they wanted this Jesus gone, so they began to plot His death (ch 11:53).
You’d think by now these people would just leave Him alone.  But He was a threat to what they thought was right, and if they were wrong and He was right, well then that would just wreck their comfortable lives.  Jesus then stops His public ministry, leaving Jerusalem, and focused His teaching on His disciples (ch 11:54).
To be continued… cause it never stops ;)

It never ends.

I know I can't be the first one to realize this.. but I just wanted to let the world know that once you figure out one problem and overcome one trial it's not over.

As long as you're breathing you will always have something to overcome. You will always have something to fight.  There will be problem after problem, temptation after temptation, and failure after failure.

Awww. Am I bumming you out?? I'm sorry.  Here's a little hope for ya  ;)

You'll find it in the gospel of John. Ahh, my favorite gospel.  Let me paint you a picture..

It was about A.D.85-90.. wait, first I want to gift you with some knowledge I have just learned myself.. ever wonder what the A.D. or B.C. found with years was all about?? Here's what I found...

Anno Domini (AD or A.D.) and Before Christ (BC or B.C.) are designations used to label or number years used with the Julian and Gregorian calendars. The term Anno Domini is Medieval Latin, translated as In the year of the Lord,[1] and as in the year of Our Lord.[2][3]:782 It is sometimes specified more fully as Anno Domini Nostri Iesu (Jesu) Christi ("In the Year of Our Lord Jesus Christ"). This calendar era is based on the traditionally reckoned year of the conception or birth of Jesus of Nazareth, with AD counting years from the start of this epoch, and BC denoting years before the start of the era. There is no year zero in this scheme, so the year AD 1 immediately follows the year 1 BC. This dating system was devised in 525, but was not widely used until after 800.[4] ~Taken from Wikipedia.com

So it was about 50-60 years after Jesus had been crucified, raised from the dead, and returned to heaven.  The world was in disarray, I can imagine, because it had been rocked by it's Creator coming down in human form and spending His days working to set the foundation for something completely new that would revolutionize it.
People were talking.  Plenty were still alive that had witnessed it first-hand.  What a time to be around.  Think of it as our modern day Mother Teresa... obviously NOT the same, but there are still people alive who remember her, who witnessed the things she did, and still speak of the impact she made on people.
Now let's apply this to Jesus.  A man born into a world waiting for the Messiah.  The Jews had been watching and waiting for years, they knew it was only a matter of time.. and suddenly here is this other man, John the Baptist, going around telling everyone that the thing they were waiting for has happened...

How would you react if that were you?  Imagine something you were waiting for... something you were told was going to happen, you just had to watch and wait.  A dream job opening up maybe?  Or a house to buy?  Or a chance meeting with someone you really wanted to meet?  Now imagine some guy is telling you it's about to happen.  Pretty exciting to think about, am I right?  And if you were any normal, intelligent person you'd want to check this guy's sanity or at least his background.  You'd want to know if this guy is legitimate.  It's only natural.

So with this guy going around saying the Messiah was alive and walking around within the country the Leaders of the Law wanted to get to the bottom of it. (John 1:19-28nlt).  They sent some of the priests and Temple assistants to go ask, but really didn't get much of an answer.

This took place in Bethany, (a city outside of Bethlehem, the birthplace of Jesus.) Bethany was east of the Jordan River where John was baptizing. ~John 1:28nlt Parenthesis mine

Rome was still in power.  And Israel was the place to watch.

I don't want to over-load you, so we're gonna break this down into parts.. to be continued...

Poopcorn People

What exactly is poopcorn? Well, if you’ve ever eaten corn you know what it looks like on its way out.  Yes, that is a disgusting picture.  But the point of it is that there are pieces of corn mixed in with excrement and fecal matter. 
So, knowing there is pieces of corn, would you clean out those pieces and eat them?  It’s still corn, so what’s the big deal? 
The big deal is that this is a gross thought.  Are you that desperate for food that you would consume pieces from that gross of a place?
I can see you are grossed out.  I was too.  At first.  And then I thought about it more.
I’ve heard it said that we should strive to be perfect.  We should try our hardest to be like Jesus.  We should empty our lives of the people and the things that are not good for us, even if it has the smallest amount of bad in it, we should still remove it from our lives. 
And I was thinking.. what would it look like to remove the “poopcorn” things from our lives? Well, we’d have to be more choosy about everything. No more songs, because what if those songs have pieces of bad in them? Ok, I see the point.. but then we’d have to apply that not just to “secular” music.. what if the Christian behind the song and lyrics has been stumbling? What if they were an addict and they gave in to temptation?? Well, that person has bad in them, so we’ll have to remove that music from our life.. okay, well I have yet to meet a perfect Christian, so I guess that means all Christians probably have something bad they are struggling with. Hmmm..
No more songs, no more games, no more books… And why stop there?? We need to remove the things that could possibly taint our lives!! If you actually did remove all the things, even with the smallest amount of bad in them.. well if we did just that what would happen?  It’s a nice thought.  Allowing only good things in our lives sounds right.  But there’s just one problem… its not possible.  Because this is a poopcorn world.
Now don’t get defensive.  It’s the truth, and even God knows it. This world is full of things that you could consider “poopcorn”.. even you are poopcorn.
Bad -even in tiny amounts-is everywhere and in every person.  We are all capable of bad things.  We’d have to determine whether that football player or baseball player we follow is always on their best behavior. And if you watched the news lately you’d see just how disappointing even the most inspirational athletes can be.  And then what about that restaurant we frequent with the nice owners?  Their food is amazing, and they are kind people.. but then one day you discover that they are hiding a gambling problem.. or they skip church every once in a while. Well.  Then I guess this means we’ll need to stop supporting their business! They are just going to think if they act that way that I’m ok with it if I go there.
NO ONE IS EXEMPT.  We are all imperfect.  We are all poopcorn.  And poopcorn people produce poopcorn things. But just so I’m clear:  calling out someone else’s “poopcorn” does not exempt you. 
How dare I say such a thing??? Well. I’m just saying what the bible already says.
“For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.” Romans 3:23nlt
I am imperfect, you are imperfect.  WE are imperfect.  We all have bad thoughts and bad desires.  We all make bad decisions and have bad, selfish intentions.  We all have bad things that give other people good reason to avoid us.  There is poopcorn in all our lives.  Its unrealistic to think we can weed it all out completely.
I see the purpose.  I see that we need to protect our hearts. 
But my problem with it is that it seems to put God in a box.  It’s almost like we are putting limits on God. 
I ask you to widen your mind for a minute and to look at the people of the bible that God spoke to or used.  Were they perfect?  In the New Testament did Jesus only allow those who had perfect lives?  Nope.  He sought after those who would today be considered “poopcorn people”.  They all had something in their lives that was bad.  Even if it were only a small amount.  And the kicker is that those people still remained “poopcorn people'” even after being healed or changed by Jesus! For example.. Peter.  Peter was changed by Jesus, but still was rebuked by Jesus (Mark 8:33).  I’m willing to bet Peter thought he was justified in his thoughts.  I bet he thought his heart for the situation was right.  But Peter was not considering Who He was speaking of or to. 
Jesus was not just the man in front of him.. He was and is also God, in human form.  And Jesus was speaking of plans that Peter could not have understood because of one fact that he was neglecting to remember…
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord. Isaiah 55:8nlt
We cannot underestimate God.  And we can’t assume to know His ways.  It may take someone from a “secular” situation or song with a “secular” life saying something that reaches someone who needs to hear it and it brings that soul back to God. 
And if you honestly think that God would never use that kind of thing, well then let me introduce you to someone who it reached…. Me.  I am a product of something “secular” leading me back to God.  And on a daily basis God reaches through “secular” things to reach me.  How can this be??
Well, God is not limited.  He is in all things at all times.  God is Omnipresent, Omnipotent, and Omniscient.   That means He is in all things, with all power, at all times.
He can draw us all from all things at all times.  There is nothing that is too far for God to reach into.  There is nothing that is too dark for Him to see in.  There is nothing hidden from Him, and nothing that separates us.
He’s reached into hell.  He goes as far as it takes.  He has no limits to His power and love.
It’s us that has the limits.  We build walls and put up boundaries.  But God?  Do you really think walls, boundaries and limits can stop God?
Nope.  God is going to accomplish what He sets out to accomplish, by any means He desire’s to use.  Just because it makes you uncomfortable doesn’t mean He has no purpose for it. 
I fully believe this for one simple reason… God is unfathomable.  If you ever think you completely understand God and His ways think again.
Yes, the bible gives us insight on His ways, but from what I’ve learned the bible is actually our story, not God’s.  The bible is how we came to be.. it’s God’s word for where we come from and where we are going to help us understand ourselves.  God’s start is not in there because He has no start.  He’s beyond anything we could ever imagine.
I warn you to not become so close-minded to think that God couldn’t use things just because it has pieces of bad in it, because that would mean He can’t use you. 

The log in my eye.

 

Ok, I admit it.  I just spent a very long time trying to find a scripture verse to fit an agenda of mine. 

I know. What a terrible Christian I am.  How horrible. 

So you wanna know what I found?  Exactly what I didn’t want to find.

What was I looking for? I was looking for a scripture that said something about if you wanted a good relationship you needed to invest in it.  I found a scripture in Matthew (6:21) that said where your treasure is there your heart is also.. but that was about money, not people.  A friend then pointed out another scripture…Galatians 6:2 “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.”  And that scripture made me think, no, I don’t want to bear a burden, I want to make someone feel bad for how they treated me…

Before you start to judge me let me tell you my side of the story, and then I’ll tell you what God did to put me back in my place. MMMk?

Ok, so years ago I started going to Church.  And in doing so I started to learn a new way of life.  A way I was not used to.  I watched families go to Church together and worship God together.  I watched them volunteer together, help out with Church picnic’s, and potlucks… they invited me to everything from dinners to weddings and baby showers.. They pitched in and helped each other.. where help was needed someone was there to pick up the slack.. it was wonderful.

So I started using these things as a measure when I’d see my family, and I began to realize they didn’t measure up.  They fell short in many areas, so I started to lose the desire to be a part of anything they did.  I sought out time with my Church.  I soaked up all the knowledge of the people around me, and put myself into any ministry I could.

I look back now and I see that I needed to do that.  I needed what it gave me.  But now I see what I did to myself in the process… I put impossible standards on people who just needed the same mercy, forgiveness and grace I was seeking.

I had this emotional storehouse filled up with all the crap that I didn’t like.  Every bad name I was called, every mean word, every time I was made fun of.. every missed birthday, every neglectful action.. I was building up a nice and full storehouse.. full of ammunition. 

I had locked and loaded plenty of things to throw in the faces of those that I had decided were my enemy.  And why were they my enemy? Because I didn’t like how they treated me.  I didn’t like how they ignored me and ridiculed me.  Every time I was around them I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from losing my cool, but as the years rolled on it got harder. Or actually.. it got easier.. easier to say what I was thinking.. the mean things they made me feel like saying back.  Yep, I was acting and speaking in a way that always made me feel horrible about myself.  And for a long time I blamed them.  But I can’t blame them for my actions or my words.  I am able to control myself, and if I were to be honest then I’d say I was choosing to not (control myself).

Guess who else had to deal with those kinds of things?  People had treated Him badly.  They ignored and ridiculed Him.  Every time they were around Him He was faced with mean words.  They mocked Him, threw stones at Him, tried to kill Him, and eventually did.  They lied about Him, and did what they could to trash His reputation.

How did He react?

“For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps.

He never sinned,

nor ever deceived anyone.

He did not retaliate when he was insulted,

nor threaten revenge when he suffered.

He left his case in the hands of God,

who always judges fairly.” 1 Peter 2:21-23

If you don’t know who this is referring to, well I’ll tell you! It’s Jesus.  Jesus suffered a lot of crap that He didn’t deserve.  And He never lost His temper.  Never lashed out or said the wrong thing.  He never was ignorant, and didn’t treat anyone the way they had treated Him.

Instead He said, “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.” Matthew 7:12

The Bible calls that “The Golden Rule” And His life reflected this very thing.  His example was always consistent in His reactions. And He didn’t do all this from afar.  He didn’t lock Himself in a room full of the only people He could stand.. no, He went out into those places full of the people who treated Him unfairly.  He took everything they gave and kept coming back.  He didn’t put up walls, and never cut them off.  Anyone who wanted to be a part of His life was welcomed, with no judgment or condemnation.  He offered a guilt-free friendship with a renewable and constant love.

And what have I taken from this lesson?  Only this….

“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” Matthew 7:3-5

I’ve learned that I’ve become exactly what I couldn’t stand about the ones that I avoided… and how does that help anything? 

If I were to look at how I’ve reacted over the years at the people I’ve wanted better treatment from, well then I’m not too surprised at how they are treating me.  I’m impatient with them, I don’t use self-control, and I am not very considerate.

Don’t get me wrong, this is not a reason to become a doormat.  But it does mean I need to be more aware of how I treat others. 

And I’m definitely going to need to change.  OH that word.  Yeah. And I’ll keep you posted on how that goes.

Dating God: Introduction

 

Have you ever had that feeling that there’s something more out there? Like there’s more to life than what we see? Well, I know that feeling my friend, and in my experience that is God pursuing you. The bible has many stories of God reaching out to His creation, and has put the desire inside of us all to reach back to Him. I found out in the course of writing this book that if I really looked back and thought about it, God had been pursuing me all my young life just waiting for the day that I would turn and see Him. I have many examples of how God has pursued me, but let’s first focus on the one that pushed me to change.

It was mid-February and I had literally just broken up with my first long-term boyfriend at the beginning of the month. I moved back in with my parents having nowhere else to go. Obviously my pain was still very fresh and I was extremely sensitive about my recent loss of the relationship. Every Wednesday night at my home church we had a bible study group that I had been avoiding for a while. One not so special night I needed to get out of the house, so I decided to go. I’m willing to bet God knew I was going to be at this particular class, and saw fit to time this class to be the one that my pastor was giving about dealing with “Disappointment and failure”. Sweet, right? Ugh. Not really. I couldn’t believe the words on the study guide that was handed to me. Almost at once I could feel my heart begin to go crazy and my eyes fill with tears! How was it that the day I decide to come back was the one that my Pastor would shove all my recent disappointments and failures (literally) in my face? It was not very funny. In fact I thought it was pretty mean. But I know now that it was God trying to tell me that He saw my pain, and wanted to help me. Most of that night was spent using every last bit of self-control to not leave or break down in front of a room full of people. That study group lesson opened up a deep wound that I really didn’t want to deal with at that point. I just wanted all the pain to be gone without having to deal with it. But instead, I felt it all over again, and I felt so broken that I was afraid if I let go of my emotions I would fall apart in front of everyone and I didn’t like that one bit. After leaving I remember crying the whole drive home. It was only by the grace of God that I didn’t get into an accident, and made it home safely. Needless to say, that was a hard night. But that was also my billboard, my knock over the head where God was saying to me:

“Hey it’s me, and I’d like your attention please.”

That night I literally felt like I had hit rock bottom, but you know what? A good friend of mine once told me that it took hitting rock bottom to see just what Rock you are standing on. And you know what? He was right. (Thanks Paul!)

It was the season of Lent and every year so far I had given something up to grow spiritually, so I figured what the heck? I decided to give up dating, which was no real loss; I was pretty ticked at the male race at this particular time. So I was going to put all my focus on God, and not pay attention to guys. It seemed simple enough but I felt a part of me cringe because I could hear a voice inside of me saying that if I did this that’s when the guy of my dreams was going to come along and I’m going to miss him. But I could hear Jesus’ voice loud and clear over that one saying, “If you really want this you’re going to have to trust Me.”

The first thing I did was make a promise to God, I even wrote it down so I could sort of see it as a contract, that I wasn’t going to date anyone for 40 days. I was just going to focus on reading my bible, and spend time praying. My main objective was to get to know God; to learn about Him. I wanted to seek Him out on purpose. I also wanted to heal from my broken heart, and learn how to trust Him.

Not dating during the forty days of Lent was easy since I was too depressed to even talk to guys. So when Easter Sunday came I found myself unsatisfied with the results. I wanted answers at this point but just ended up with more questions. How annoying, right?? I then realized that I had stumbled onto something much greater then I had intended. This thing was going to take more time and more sacrifice if I wanted those answers. I had to take this more seriously. And that’s when I made a choice to forget dating for a little while longer so I could dig a little deeper. I had been chasing after a life that fell apart, and I wanted to know why it went wrong.

That’s when God spoke to me. He told me to stop dating other guys, and date Him. I know how crazy that sounds, trust me. But the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to do it. Ponder this with me: When you want to grow in a relationship with someone do you go by what everyone else says about them, or do you want to experience it yourself? Seriously, imagine you’re dating someone, but you only talk to them through others, and the others do all the talking to them! Does that make sense? Don’t you think that you should talk to your own boyfriend or girlfriend? And they should talk to you! That’s how you build a relationship, duh.

So it became pretty obvious that I needed to go straight to God if I wanted to build a relationship with Him. If there’s a red flag going up, saying, “Hold up, go straight to God? Is this girl serious?” Well, yes I am. The reason I could go straight to God (if you aren’t already aware) is because of Jesus Christ. Now don’t go painting me to be crazy because I believe in Jesus. I wouldn’t blame you if you were a little weirded out. But seriously He is the only reason I could do what I did. I even have a scripture to back me up!

~Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.” John 14:6NLT~

It was easy at first, my pride started to get the best of me a little bit too, but months in when the feelings of loneliness started to come I suddenly found myself humbled and with a new respect for those waiting on God.

As I began this journey I did not understand the amount of commitment, determination, and strength that being pure and dating only God was going to need, but I found out real quick. I should tell you that I was not perfect at it. There were times that I did not faithfully read my bible. **GASP** But I did give up regular dating, and I constantly found myself talking to God about everything as though I were dating Him. Also, in the process of building a relationship with God, He taught me how to be a good friend, sister, and daughter. I was getting too good at pushing people away and God knew I would need them through this.

I dedicated the whole year to this idea. During this time I read every Christian dating book I could get my hands on. I wanted to use this time to see how others built their relationship with God. One book that helped me the most and inspired me to give up dating was called “I kissed Dating Goodbye” written by Joshua Harris¹. I’d say this book forever changed my views on relationships.

Yes, I had ups and downs, moments of sadness and trials, but I allowed myself to feel it all because I didn’t want to push away feelings anymore. I grew up in a family that hardly ever showed their emotions, in a way it was seen as a weakness and looked down on, but I was sick of feeling like it wasn’t okay to cry or be angry or anything else. I wanted so badly to let these things out that I felt like I was going to explode. And as I allowed myself to feel each emotion I soon found that the aftermath was not a disaster, I actually felt better!

So I let God pursue me, and as He pursued me I felt myself turning to Him more. God also opened my eyes to all of the things He had done and was doing to get my attention; He showed me that He never stopped pursuing me even after I stopped reaching out to Him! One thing He branded in my brain through this was one scripture:

~“And the LORD, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8 NKJV~

In the following chapters I will share how God used some surprising techniques to teach me about Himself, in every way. Who He really is, and how to get closer to Him. And by the way, I just wanted to give you a heads up… this is not a book on how to have a better human relationship (although ultimately it will give you that and much more), it’s a book to learn how to have a better relationship with Our Father, His Son, and The Holy Spirit. I hope it blesses you as much as it has blessed me!!

And I want to apologize in advance if I tend to go off on a tangent in some parts… that’s what my Young Adult groupee’s and I refer to as “chasing rabbits”. Trust me, it’s funnier than it seems.

~If you like what you’ve read good news!! This is a published book!!! You can order your very own copy on BarnesandNoble.com or WestbowPress.com 

Just look up Dating God: A true Story of How I Dated God by Jocelynn Burton

And thanks for your support!!