Mirror mirror on the wall...

Ya know... I was just passing by the mirror, I stopped and looked at my reflection and wondered something that is constantly on my mind.  What is so great about me?  I don't mean it to sound so insecure, but maybe I do... I honestly feel the only good thing about me is everything that is God driven.  For example: my desire to serve as a hospice aide.. did you know I would never in a million years have wanted a job like that?   And yet, I am constantly finding myself telling others (and believing) I was built for this position.  Then there's the writing.  Have you ever sat down with a pen and notebook and just stared blankly at it, wondering what to fill the pages with?  I have.  I started writing pretty young.  I have proof from age 12, but I'm pretty sure my brain was writing stories before I could get them onto paper. 
I ask myself what's so great about me because I really need to see some good in myself lately.  I've let habits slip that shouldn't.  I have the biggest potty mouth, and I catch myself getting more and more lax about it, which I shouldn't because let's face it, dying patients aren't impressed with curse words.  Also, I am so quick with criticism, and I'm so sarcastic.  I've been fighting these traits of mine for a long time.  I don't like that I can easily tear someone down.  You can't take back words or actions once they've happened.  You can ask forgiveness, but whomever the victim you can bet they're going to have that in their head when you're around.
 
So there's this scripture. It's smack in the middle of the Beatitudes:

      "God blesses those whose hearts are pure,
                                            for they will see God." Matthew 5:8

 
This scripture has this strange pull on me.  I even did a back study a while ago on the Beatitudes in hopes of understanding it a bit more.  You know what I came up with?  It's a reflection. 
 
Now hear me out.  I can see the scrunched up face and the "Whahh??" look of not seeing my point.  What I'm saying is that I think I finally understand what I want to see in the mirror.  I want to see Love.  I want to see compassion, I want to see mercy, and grace and forgiveness.  In short, I want to see God in myself.  I want to be okay with what I reflect, because when it's not good it's horrible.
 
I remember times when I'd go out to bars drinking.  I would avoid mirrors in most places, because my reflection scared me.  The girl I saw looked hollow and dead.  I wasn't one of those crazy party girls.  I didn't go very often.  Truth be told, it was the mirrors that really caused me to stop going altogether.  I was afraid of what I'd see in them.  No matter how great I felt when I left for that night of "fun" one glance in the mirror was enough to send me home.  My companions were always disappointed in me when I'd go out with them.  They were having a blast, and couldn't understand what my problem was.  My problem was I couldn't live life like that.  The only thing that kept me from running was to just drink away the thoughts, and it became quite obvious that I just wasn't up for that.  I hate the taste of alcohol. (So I guess alcoholism isn't in my near future.)
I spent years pulling away from all the things that made me fear my reflection.  Today, I pursue the love of a Saviour who didn't give up on me.  I still fail.  I still have those flaws.  But I look in the mirror, and I think I'm starting to see what God sees in me. 
My goal is a pure heart.  To stay honest, even when it hurts, and to live a life focused on encouraging and loving, even when it hurts.  I'll be honest, it's hard.  But if my reflection is any indication of what's going on in my heart and mind, then I think I'm headed in the right direction.