Ok, so for a while I've been flirting with the idea of writing a blog. It's not that there's something wrong with it, but I almost felt like I was selling out if I did it. After all, who doesn't give their opinions these days anymore? With Facebook and Twitter and Instagram (you can follow me on all those things by the way *wink*) everyone can literally know what's on your mind 24/7! But I've definitely found that my twelve page posts are not the best, so instead I thought, with all these new lessons being filtered into my brain, maybe a blog IS the right thing for me.. after all, (plug) I did write a book, and I'd love for people to get to know me and my rational, sane thoughts.. (haha, rational)
If you could know one thing I've been struggling with I'd have to say its got a lot to do with Spiderman. Yeah, yeah. I can already hear the comments.. "Is this chick for real?" Yes, I have a Spiderman issue. The issue is that I'm expected to be this pulled together person, who fights injustice and helps the weak, yet I have no personal life. It's a choice, I admit. I chose to take that part of my life and put it on hold, but I'm left here with such a gaping feeling that I'm not really sure if I'm capable of the things I've been called to do anymore. So, just like in Spiderman 2 I took a break. I didn't really fight crime or anything, but I stepped down from a leadership role and backed out of the light in church. I tried my best to stay off to the sidelines, and not make any waves. But guess what happened? Ministry sought me out anyway. God was up there saying, hey, you can pretend like you don't care all you want, I know you do, and I'm going to send PLENTY of work your way to keep you from getting rusty.
Thanks God. No really! In the process of thinking I'm losing myself, I FOUND myself. I've had struggles, yes. My life is not easy. I work hard, and don't get much me time. But you know what? It's ok. Sometimes we've got to put the work in before we reap the harvest.
Before the times of no bake cheesecake, or instant pudding people had to take time and energy to get the actual product. Microwaves and cellphones, and televisions now make it easier to be connected to the world outside, but are we really? There's still a glass shield separating us, isn't there? Human contact is even made as simple as a press of the button. It's not the same though.
My point? I have one, I swear. My point is that maybe this is my season of work. Maybe I have to be focusing on the ingredients, and putting them together. And when everything is together God will tell me it's time to harvest.
In the end, I tried my hardest to sit on the sidelines. But in doing so I realized I'm not a sidelines kind of girl. I've got to be in the action. And if that's the way I'm created to be, than dash it all I'm gonna be the one who shines in that way. It means I have to work and wait for the harvest, but that makes it that much more worth it to me. I may not get it all completely yet, but I know Whose I am. And I know that even when I'm stubborn so is He. He won't ever let me quit, and I'm glad.
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