Ok. I'm about to write about something that I know will push some buttons. But I can't help myself. This has been a frustration of mine for years.
Why is it that we only support and care for those whose problems are known? What about those that keep things to them self? I know we aren't mind readers, but do you really think that those who keep quiet are ok? The obvious are the ones who get the attention. The new mothers get meals made for them, someone who's just lost a love one, or maybe that person who needs constant attention.
Don't misunderstand me, these people should get help in those times. But what about people like me? I'm not complaining, but it makes me feel so invisible sometimes to watch others get support, and my phone doesn't ring. No one comes to my house, helps me clean, or cooks me a meal so I don't have to. It hurts me. Its almost like they don't care or I don't matter. I wonder if people are blind to people like me. No I'm not living in a gutter. But I've been a single parent for almost 13 years and I can count on one hand how many people I've had reach out to me in ways other than taking my phone call. That's pretty sad. Last night I posted a blog about looking beyond your own destination. I think that really is the reason I've felt so excluded.. like I'm that person who lives down a long dirt road with no lamp post so no one dares to walk down the path to knock on the door... like there might be werewolves or bears and stuff in the woods ready to attack anyone who tries. I know that's a little dramatic, but really think about it. Has there ever been a time when you saw someone leading what seems a difficult life, and since they aren't threatening to kill them self, or showing any other obvious sign of problems, you figure they must be fine? Well, they probably are. Me, I'm surviving. It might take me a couple of days to do a sink full of dishes, but they get done. Maybe I eat cereal for dinner a couple nights in a row, but it's fine by me.. I love cereal. And don't think I'm doing this because I want attention.. in fact, I'd probably be insulted if this is why I get anyone to pay attention. At this point any help given will feel like its from guilt. And I don't want that kind of help.
No. I'm here to fight for the others who suffer in silence. The ones who aren't so dramatic. They sit on the sidelines and out of the spotlight. They help out without complaining, but never get recognized. You know what my least favorite thing about some people's mindsets? They only speak up when there's a problem. You know what that says to me? That you can assume everything's fine and they don't plan on encouraging you, but when you mess up you can be sure they will be right there pointing the finger. I HATE THAT.
I said before that sometimes even when you aren't told you're ugly or stupid the ABSENCE of being told your beautiful or smart can cause you to think you are, in fact, ugly or stupid. Did you know that a lie can become truth without real truth? That's why we need God so much. He will tell us over and over how much He loves us, and what we mean to Him. He reminds us in every moment of every day.
It's just frustrating when the people around you, who are supposed to care about you, don't say what needs to be said to chase away lies. It NEEDS to be said. SAY those things in your heart. DO those things you want to do. FOR EVERYONE. Not just the obvious need, but that girl that sits in silence by herself in the back row and leaves first. Catch her, offer to buy her a coffee.. get her number, CALL HER, tell her your thinking about her and praying for her and then PRAY FOR HER.
I'm not asking you to save the world. There are 7 Billion people that could be helping each other, and the statistics on those that actually help is too sad to mention. Remember the story of the little girl throwing the starfish back into the ocean that had washed up on shore? There were thousands along the beach. That one girl made a difference to the ones she could reach, but there were still so many more... I imagine she was helping the ones that were immediately in front of her.. so the ones that were trapped under things or covered in sand (the less obvious ones) didn't have much of a chance. I know it's asking a lot. But if you think about it, you probably have a moment in your life when you felt like you were on the outside looking in and wished someone had noticed you. I challenge you to find that person. Help the less obvious. You may not think so, but it will change that persons thoughts, and help them trust that people aren't hopeless. Sometimes us less obvious people need to see that.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Becoming a people person ain't easy..
Another day of driving behind me. Driving tends to make me cranky. I sit at the computer and can visualize all the annoying cars, trucks, bikers, and pedestrians that interrupted my trip today. This morning I came across many people going to work, like myself.
We cannot avoid people. The world's full of them. And if God intended on only one person to exist then not one of us would exist. Because, hello, we all came to be from - PEOPLE. (Duh.)
Most people who know me know I've got a bit of a problem with road etiquette.. ok, fine. RAGE. Are you happy now?? UGH. Yeah. I get a little angry behind the wheel. It's only because some drivers really shouldn't be driving!! I don't run people off the road or anything, but I do get frustrated a bit when I'm driving along at a decent pace and either A) I catch up to a driver who is going at about 5-10 under the speed limit.. I mean come on. That's just not fair. or B) a driver who has seen me coming and pulls out in front of me, then proceeds to go slower than I had liked. One thing you should know. If you have the guts to cut someone off that's close to the road you're pulling out of you better have the guts to take off speeding and leave them in the dust. Its not okay to cut a speeding car off and go slow. That's just asking for trouble. (a;lij r;aiejghareog) Whew.. this topic gets my blood boiling! Anyway...Both of those scenarios end with me having to adjust my speed to accommodate my new buddy driving in front of me. Yeah. This smile I got on my face is totally genuine.
I was going along fine! Getting to where I needed to go, and in great time! Then, blink and BAM there's a dump truck in front of me. Oh wait, that was me this morning. Added bonus? That dump truck was towing a gigantic excavator, so they couldn't possibly go any faster. Yup. I always end with the same destination. But if I have to adjust my time for this bozo it takes 10 minutes off my arrival time! By now there is smoke coming from my ears.. I'm sure of it. Maybe my eyes are red, and I might be screaming profanities that a good, pure heart shouldn't be screaming.. what's that Scripture? "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" ~Matthew 12:34NKJV .. eeek.. Those words and feelings are in my heart. Not good. Not good at all. And suddenly I find myself saying such things as.. "I hate people. I wish I didn't have to deal with them. If I were the only one in this world it would make life so much easier!! (or at least my commute)"
**Big thought: if you hate people, don't trust people, or don't want to be around them there ain't no way GOD will want you ministering to them. Because guess who you are ministering to? PEOPLE. And not the one's that are already aware of His love and mercy. Yeah, it's good to commune with fellow Christians, but Jesus Himself spent more time with the people all those "godly" men called sinners and unworthy. He calls us to the worst, the unruly, the alcoholics, the drug-addicts, the liars, the thieves, the cheats.. Those are who Christ ministered to.**
What does this have to do with driving? Maybe what I'm trying to say is that there are roughly 7 billion people here on this planet. To think that our own destination or commute is the only one that matters is idiotic. We all commute. We all have somewhere to go. And as we drive along in life there are roads that intersect, and there are stop signs, lights, crossroads, train crossings, forks in the road, back streets, highways, crosswalks, one-way streets, driveways, parking lot exits, and anything else you can think of. We all have a place to go. Have you ever stopped to realize we ALL are heading towards something, and wherever we're headed we have our own speeds, values, morals, beliefs and understandings? Just like I end up with someone in front of me, its just the way this world is. People populate this planet. People have places to go. Why is my destination more important than anyone elses?
God told me to slow down this morning. He told me that I need to relax and stop being so frantic about destinations here on earth. My first appointment isn't going anywhere. No matter who gets in front of me, it's going to be there. I need to start caring about others on the road. Stop stressing over the destination, start focusing on the road I'm on. I could be missing something, you know? I'm in such a hurry to get where I'm going, I'm missing the scenery. So with this dump truck puddling along at 25 mph I said, fine God. I'm sorry. Can you show me what I'm missing? And then there it was. It was a beautiful fall morning. Did you know that? There were kids at bus stops playing, waiting for the bus, moms sitting with them, waiting too.. the sun was peeking through the turning golden leaves.. I looked around and realized I'm missing life. I was so focused on the end-result I forgot that the point of living is living while your alive. Look around you. Are you hopping into your car going from destination to destination mad that your commute is messed up because of traffic? Check out the other drivers.. they all have stories. EVERY ONE OF THEM. They all have a life to live, they all are full of dreams, hopes, loss, sadness, trials, and stories to tell.
Life is beautiful. People are beautiful. Look past your destination. Roll down your window, and look around you. Stop focusing on yourself, look past your own destination. You know the way, you'll get there. Just open your eyes as you drive and see that there are 7 Billion stories going on, all the time. Every day. And you are only one of them.
We cannot avoid people. The world's full of them. And if God intended on only one person to exist then not one of us would exist. Because, hello, we all came to be from - PEOPLE. (Duh.)
Most people who know me know I've got a bit of a problem with road etiquette.. ok, fine. RAGE. Are you happy now?? UGH. Yeah. I get a little angry behind the wheel. It's only because some drivers really shouldn't be driving!! I don't run people off the road or anything, but I do get frustrated a bit when I'm driving along at a decent pace and either A) I catch up to a driver who is going at about 5-10 under the speed limit.. I mean come on. That's just not fair. or B) a driver who has seen me coming and pulls out in front of me, then proceeds to go slower than I had liked. One thing you should know. If you have the guts to cut someone off that's close to the road you're pulling out of you better have the guts to take off speeding and leave them in the dust. Its not okay to cut a speeding car off and go slow. That's just asking for trouble. (a;lij r;aiejghareog) Whew.. this topic gets my blood boiling! Anyway...Both of those scenarios end with me having to adjust my speed to accommodate my new buddy driving in front of me. Yeah. This smile I got on my face is totally genuine.
I was going along fine! Getting to where I needed to go, and in great time! Then, blink and BAM there's a dump truck in front of me. Oh wait, that was me this morning. Added bonus? That dump truck was towing a gigantic excavator, so they couldn't possibly go any faster. Yup. I always end with the same destination. But if I have to adjust my time for this bozo it takes 10 minutes off my arrival time! By now there is smoke coming from my ears.. I'm sure of it. Maybe my eyes are red, and I might be screaming profanities that a good, pure heart shouldn't be screaming.. what's that Scripture? "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" ~Matthew 12:34NKJV .. eeek.. Those words and feelings are in my heart. Not good. Not good at all. And suddenly I find myself saying such things as.. "I hate people. I wish I didn't have to deal with them. If I were the only one in this world it would make life so much easier!! (or at least my commute)"
**Big thought: if you hate people, don't trust people, or don't want to be around them there ain't no way GOD will want you ministering to them. Because guess who you are ministering to? PEOPLE. And not the one's that are already aware of His love and mercy. Yeah, it's good to commune with fellow Christians, but Jesus Himself spent more time with the people all those "godly" men called sinners and unworthy. He calls us to the worst, the unruly, the alcoholics, the drug-addicts, the liars, the thieves, the cheats.. Those are who Christ ministered to.**
What does this have to do with driving? Maybe what I'm trying to say is that there are roughly 7 billion people here on this planet. To think that our own destination or commute is the only one that matters is idiotic. We all commute. We all have somewhere to go. And as we drive along in life there are roads that intersect, and there are stop signs, lights, crossroads, train crossings, forks in the road, back streets, highways, crosswalks, one-way streets, driveways, parking lot exits, and anything else you can think of. We all have a place to go. Have you ever stopped to realize we ALL are heading towards something, and wherever we're headed we have our own speeds, values, morals, beliefs and understandings? Just like I end up with someone in front of me, its just the way this world is. People populate this planet. People have places to go. Why is my destination more important than anyone elses?
God told me to slow down this morning. He told me that I need to relax and stop being so frantic about destinations here on earth. My first appointment isn't going anywhere. No matter who gets in front of me, it's going to be there. I need to start caring about others on the road. Stop stressing over the destination, start focusing on the road I'm on. I could be missing something, you know? I'm in such a hurry to get where I'm going, I'm missing the scenery. So with this dump truck puddling along at 25 mph I said, fine God. I'm sorry. Can you show me what I'm missing? And then there it was. It was a beautiful fall morning. Did you know that? There were kids at bus stops playing, waiting for the bus, moms sitting with them, waiting too.. the sun was peeking through the turning golden leaves.. I looked around and realized I'm missing life. I was so focused on the end-result I forgot that the point of living is living while your alive. Look around you. Are you hopping into your car going from destination to destination mad that your commute is messed up because of traffic? Check out the other drivers.. they all have stories. EVERY ONE OF THEM. They all have a life to live, they all are full of dreams, hopes, loss, sadness, trials, and stories to tell.
Life is beautiful. People are beautiful. Look past your destination. Roll down your window, and look around you. Stop focusing on yourself, look past your own destination. You know the way, you'll get there. Just open your eyes as you drive and see that there are 7 Billion stories going on, all the time. Every day. And you are only one of them.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Why God?
Why God? Why the Bible? Why Jesus?
Why our God instead of another? Why are Christians right about the Way and no one else? Why is Jesus the only way? Why choose Christianity? What sets that belief apart and above all? Why are we so special??
If you think you're bad for asking any of those questions, well you're not. Are you the first to ask those questions? That's a negative. In fact, I asked those very questions this morning. As I drove like a crazy person on my way to my first patient this morning I was having one of my normal conversations with God behind the steering wheel. I found myself asking God.. well.. here's a nice example:
Me: So God, seriously, when someone asks me how to prove you are God and that I'm not crazy, what am I supposed to tell them? I mean, seriously, I believe in You, but I don't know how to explain who You are to them. Help me understand.
Yes. That is a real prayer I said to God. And if you think I'm just speaking to air, then you need to hear what happened next... an angel appeared in my car!! Ok, I'm kidding. That didn't actually happen. Nothing happened immediately. I drove to my patients house, then went to my office, then stopped at a gas station. I got out to fill my gas tank. I let the gas go over $40.00 which is not normal, I usually only put in $40 at a time. I let it go over 41, then 42, then 43 hit and it popped cause the tank was full. No biggie? I looked at the price and it said 43:10. Then I had this thing, I can't explain it, but it was a voice telling me to look up Isaiah 43:10. Why? Am I crazy? Hearing voices could mean I am. But I said, hey, what the heck, I might as well just humor myself. I usually love what I read in the Bible. I had my doubts at this point, cause if you've ever read Isaiah you'd know that in that point of the Old Testament there was a LOT of chastising from God, usually through the prophets. Wanna know what the scripture says?
"But you are my witnesses, O Israel!” says the Lord.
“You are my servant. You have been chosen to know me, believe in me,
and understand that I alone am God.
There is no other God—there never has been, and there never will be." Isaiah 43:10
In all seriousness my jaw dropped when I read that scripture. I was literally speechless. It is the PERFECT answer to me. It felt like God actually answered me, I could almost hear a voice to the words...
I'm not kidding this time. This really happened. And I hear it in my heart that I just know it was God. I just know He's really real. I can't explain it. Maybe it was coincidence. If you want to believe that I'm not going to judge you. But I can't explain how the answer was so spot on, so direct, and seemingly at the best time.
I stood at the gas pump, there were people in purple shirts doing a walk for some kind of fundraiser, I watched as they walked by wondering what they were walking for. Is everything chance? Or is it orchestrated? Is this world random? Or is there a purpose and plan for everything? I'm not sure. But, I think I'm going to start asking more questions. Because the more I ask questions, the stronger my faith becomes.
Why our God instead of another? Why are Christians right about the Way and no one else? Why is Jesus the only way? Why choose Christianity? What sets that belief apart and above all? Why are we so special??
If you think you're bad for asking any of those questions, well you're not. Are you the first to ask those questions? That's a negative. In fact, I asked those very questions this morning. As I drove like a crazy person on my way to my first patient this morning I was having one of my normal conversations with God behind the steering wheel. I found myself asking God.. well.. here's a nice example:
Me: So God, seriously, when someone asks me how to prove you are God and that I'm not crazy, what am I supposed to tell them? I mean, seriously, I believe in You, but I don't know how to explain who You are to them. Help me understand.
Yes. That is a real prayer I said to God. And if you think I'm just speaking to air, then you need to hear what happened next... an angel appeared in my car!! Ok, I'm kidding. That didn't actually happen. Nothing happened immediately. I drove to my patients house, then went to my office, then stopped at a gas station. I got out to fill my gas tank. I let the gas go over $40.00 which is not normal, I usually only put in $40 at a time. I let it go over 41, then 42, then 43 hit and it popped cause the tank was full. No biggie? I looked at the price and it said 43:10. Then I had this thing, I can't explain it, but it was a voice telling me to look up Isaiah 43:10. Why? Am I crazy? Hearing voices could mean I am. But I said, hey, what the heck, I might as well just humor myself. I usually love what I read in the Bible. I had my doubts at this point, cause if you've ever read Isaiah you'd know that in that point of the Old Testament there was a LOT of chastising from God, usually through the prophets. Wanna know what the scripture says?
"But you are my witnesses, O Israel!” says the Lord.
“You are my servant. You have been chosen to know me, believe in me,
and understand that I alone am God.
There is no other God—there never has been, and there never will be." Isaiah 43:10
In all seriousness my jaw dropped when I read that scripture. I was literally speechless. It is the PERFECT answer to me. It felt like God actually answered me, I could almost hear a voice to the words...
I'm not kidding this time. This really happened. And I hear it in my heart that I just know it was God. I just know He's really real. I can't explain it. Maybe it was coincidence. If you want to believe that I'm not going to judge you. But I can't explain how the answer was so spot on, so direct, and seemingly at the best time.
I stood at the gas pump, there were people in purple shirts doing a walk for some kind of fundraiser, I watched as they walked by wondering what they were walking for. Is everything chance? Or is it orchestrated? Is this world random? Or is there a purpose and plan for everything? I'm not sure. But, I think I'm going to start asking more questions. Because the more I ask questions, the stronger my faith becomes.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Mirror mirror on the wall...
Ya know... I was just passing by the mirror, I stopped and looked at my reflection and wondered something that is constantly on my mind. What is so great about me? I don't mean it to sound so insecure, but maybe I do... I honestly feel the only good thing about me is everything that is God driven. For example: my desire to serve as a hospice aide.. did you know I would never in a million years have wanted a job like that? And yet, I am constantly finding myself telling others (and believing) I was built for this position. Then there's the writing. Have you ever sat down with a pen and notebook and just stared blankly at it, wondering what to fill the pages with? I have. I started writing pretty young. I have proof from age 12, but I'm pretty sure my brain was writing stories before I could get them onto paper.
I ask myself what's so great about me because I really need to see some good in myself lately. I've let habits slip that shouldn't. I have the biggest potty mouth, and I catch myself getting more and more lax about it, which I shouldn't because let's face it, dying patients aren't impressed with curse words. Also, I am so quick with criticism, and I'm so sarcastic. I've been fighting these traits of mine for a long time. I don't like that I can easily tear someone down. You can't take back words or actions once they've happened. You can ask forgiveness, but whomever the victim you can bet they're going to have that in their head when you're around.
So there's this scripture. It's smack in the middle of the Beatitudes:
"God blesses those whose hearts are pure,
for they will see God." Matthew 5:8
This scripture has this strange pull on me. I even did a back study a while ago on the Beatitudes in hopes of understanding it a bit more. You know what I came up with? It's a reflection.
Now hear me out. I can see the scrunched up face and the "Whahh??" look of not seeing my point. What I'm saying is that I think I finally understand what I want to see in the mirror. I want to see Love. I want to see compassion, I want to see mercy, and grace and forgiveness. In short, I want to see God in myself. I want to be okay with what I reflect, because when it's not good it's horrible.
I remember times when I'd go out to bars drinking. I would avoid mirrors in most places, because my reflection scared me. The girl I saw looked hollow and dead. I wasn't one of those crazy party girls. I didn't go very often. Truth be told, it was the mirrors that really caused me to stop going altogether. I was afraid of what I'd see in them. No matter how great I felt when I left for that night of "fun" one glance in the mirror was enough to send me home. My companions were always disappointed in me when I'd go out with them. They were having a blast, and couldn't understand what my problem was. My problem was I couldn't live life like that. The only thing that kept me from running was to just drink away the thoughts, and it became quite obvious that I just wasn't up for that. I hate the taste of alcohol. (So I guess alcoholism isn't in my near future.)
I spent years pulling away from all the things that made me fear my reflection. Today, I pursue the love of a Saviour who didn't give up on me. I still fail. I still have those flaws. But I look in the mirror, and I think I'm starting to see what God sees in me.
My goal is a pure heart. To stay honest, even when it hurts, and to live a life focused on encouraging and loving, even when it hurts. I'll be honest, it's hard. But if my reflection is any indication of what's going on in my heart and mind, then I think I'm headed in the right direction.
I ask myself what's so great about me because I really need to see some good in myself lately. I've let habits slip that shouldn't. I have the biggest potty mouth, and I catch myself getting more and more lax about it, which I shouldn't because let's face it, dying patients aren't impressed with curse words. Also, I am so quick with criticism, and I'm so sarcastic. I've been fighting these traits of mine for a long time. I don't like that I can easily tear someone down. You can't take back words or actions once they've happened. You can ask forgiveness, but whomever the victim you can bet they're going to have that in their head when you're around.
So there's this scripture. It's smack in the middle of the Beatitudes:
"God blesses those whose hearts are pure,
for they will see God." Matthew 5:8
This scripture has this strange pull on me. I even did a back study a while ago on the Beatitudes in hopes of understanding it a bit more. You know what I came up with? It's a reflection.
Now hear me out. I can see the scrunched up face and the "Whahh??" look of not seeing my point. What I'm saying is that I think I finally understand what I want to see in the mirror. I want to see Love. I want to see compassion, I want to see mercy, and grace and forgiveness. In short, I want to see God in myself. I want to be okay with what I reflect, because when it's not good it's horrible.
I remember times when I'd go out to bars drinking. I would avoid mirrors in most places, because my reflection scared me. The girl I saw looked hollow and dead. I wasn't one of those crazy party girls. I didn't go very often. Truth be told, it was the mirrors that really caused me to stop going altogether. I was afraid of what I'd see in them. No matter how great I felt when I left for that night of "fun" one glance in the mirror was enough to send me home. My companions were always disappointed in me when I'd go out with them. They were having a blast, and couldn't understand what my problem was. My problem was I couldn't live life like that. The only thing that kept me from running was to just drink away the thoughts, and it became quite obvious that I just wasn't up for that. I hate the taste of alcohol. (So I guess alcoholism isn't in my near future.)
I spent years pulling away from all the things that made me fear my reflection. Today, I pursue the love of a Saviour who didn't give up on me. I still fail. I still have those flaws. But I look in the mirror, and I think I'm starting to see what God sees in me.
My goal is a pure heart. To stay honest, even when it hurts, and to live a life focused on encouraging and loving, even when it hurts. I'll be honest, it's hard. But if my reflection is any indication of what's going on in my heart and mind, then I think I'm headed in the right direction.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Yowza!
Ok, I'm not trying to sound like I'm bragging or anything, but I had an amazing prayer time this morning! No really! Lately I've spent more time focusing less on me and more on the people around me in my prayers and the difference is so different ;) haha
This morning I was thinking about something a patient had said about not looking forward to winter. That got me thinking about the seasons. I drew a parallel between the seasons of the earth and the seasons of my life. I feel like I just went through a long season of nothing. Or atleast a season where nothing fun happened. In other words, my summer was a bust. I didn't go to the beach, or take time off. I worked all summer, and spent weekends cleaning my apartment and going through everything. I got rid of things I don't use, rearranged furniture, and cleared out my paperwork. Is my work done? NOPE. I still find myself clearing out junk. Just last night I was cleaning out my closets and organizing my junk boxes. Its insane how much I've done this summer and am still now doing! When will I ever get a break?? UGH. But even as I read that I am reminded of animals and bugs that spend their summer working. They are busily getting ready for the cold seasons when there won't be any food. Maybe my summer of working is God's way of preparing me for a time when I'm not going to get a minute to do any of this.. or maybe I'm getting it done now so I won't have to rush to get it done later. I'm not really sure. I've got a million theories, but one thing remains; I have this crazy desire to continue to work. I'm focused on organizing and pulling myself together. I'm doing my best to create budget's that work for me, and get my spending under control.
I just know God is doing some major work in me right now, every day I can feel it. And lately I've got this drive to just pray. I pray about EVERYTHING. I've got big and small things going on, and I've been talking to God about them. Telling Him what I plan, why I'm worried, what makes me happy, and my hopes for the book He had me write. (I know that sounds like it's me-centered, but really a lot of those things are worries about other people in my life.) And now I have this desire to pray for Spring. Why? I don't know. But for all this work I'm doing, I figure this winter is going to be a doozy, and in the Springtime He's going to not just bring the life back into nature, but He's going to bring the life back in me. No, I'm not dead. Spiritually I'd say I'm waiting. I've been waiting on God for a long time it seems, and I wasn't really sure why. Now, it seems, He's dropping small hints into my life that point towards plans that are coming together for a life I couldn't have dreamt up on my own.
He's got plans, and He wants me praying for them. I don't think I could put into words the anticipation I feel in my heart at this moment. But there is a scripture that sort of explains it...
"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with the confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13NLT
The reason this verse is on my heart is because God used this verse in my life before.. it's the verse I wrote about and studied in a specific chapter of "Dating God".. Chapter 11: Hope & Faith... in order to get the full understanding of this verse I dug up the Greek meanings of the word "hope". I found this description; favorable and confident expectations. It describes the happy anticipation of good. Yowza!
So let's read that together, shall we??
~~~I pray that God, the source of hope; favorable and confident expectations, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with the confident hope; happy anticipation of good, through the power of the Holy Spirit.~~~
Yeah. I feel pretty confident at the moment that God wasn't just whispering words to shut me up. He's giving me a hope to count on. And the best part? He's doing it in my Church too! Such AMAZING things are happening! And I can see the same good things working in our Church!
I think I'm getting that "overflow" feeling.. and it's a GREAT one.
So stay tuned! And watch out in your own life, too. Have you felt the same? Are you getting those "God's gonna do something good" goosebumps too? Well, HAVE FAITH. "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hebrews 11:1NLT
So hold on. Keep waiting. Keep working. Don't lose hope, don't give up. Everything is in God's hands, and on His timing. And His timing is ALWAYS PERFECT.
This morning I was thinking about something a patient had said about not looking forward to winter. That got me thinking about the seasons. I drew a parallel between the seasons of the earth and the seasons of my life. I feel like I just went through a long season of nothing. Or atleast a season where nothing fun happened. In other words, my summer was a bust. I didn't go to the beach, or take time off. I worked all summer, and spent weekends cleaning my apartment and going through everything. I got rid of things I don't use, rearranged furniture, and cleared out my paperwork. Is my work done? NOPE. I still find myself clearing out junk. Just last night I was cleaning out my closets and organizing my junk boxes. Its insane how much I've done this summer and am still now doing! When will I ever get a break?? UGH. But even as I read that I am reminded of animals and bugs that spend their summer working. They are busily getting ready for the cold seasons when there won't be any food. Maybe my summer of working is God's way of preparing me for a time when I'm not going to get a minute to do any of this.. or maybe I'm getting it done now so I won't have to rush to get it done later. I'm not really sure. I've got a million theories, but one thing remains; I have this crazy desire to continue to work. I'm focused on organizing and pulling myself together. I'm doing my best to create budget's that work for me, and get my spending under control.
I just know God is doing some major work in me right now, every day I can feel it. And lately I've got this drive to just pray. I pray about EVERYTHING. I've got big and small things going on, and I've been talking to God about them. Telling Him what I plan, why I'm worried, what makes me happy, and my hopes for the book He had me write. (I know that sounds like it's me-centered, but really a lot of those things are worries about other people in my life.) And now I have this desire to pray for Spring. Why? I don't know. But for all this work I'm doing, I figure this winter is going to be a doozy, and in the Springtime He's going to not just bring the life back into nature, but He's going to bring the life back in me. No, I'm not dead. Spiritually I'd say I'm waiting. I've been waiting on God for a long time it seems, and I wasn't really sure why. Now, it seems, He's dropping small hints into my life that point towards plans that are coming together for a life I couldn't have dreamt up on my own.
He's got plans, and He wants me praying for them. I don't think I could put into words the anticipation I feel in my heart at this moment. But there is a scripture that sort of explains it...
"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with the confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13NLT
The reason this verse is on my heart is because God used this verse in my life before.. it's the verse I wrote about and studied in a specific chapter of "Dating God".. Chapter 11: Hope & Faith... in order to get the full understanding of this verse I dug up the Greek meanings of the word "hope". I found this description; favorable and confident expectations. It describes the happy anticipation of good. Yowza!
So let's read that together, shall we??
~~~I pray that God, the source of hope; favorable and confident expectations, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with the confident hope; happy anticipation of good, through the power of the Holy Spirit.~~~
Yeah. I feel pretty confident at the moment that God wasn't just whispering words to shut me up. He's giving me a hope to count on. And the best part? He's doing it in my Church too! Such AMAZING things are happening! And I can see the same good things working in our Church!
I think I'm getting that "overflow" feeling.. and it's a GREAT one.
So stay tuned! And watch out in your own life, too. Have you felt the same? Are you getting those "God's gonna do something good" goosebumps too? Well, HAVE FAITH. "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hebrews 11:1NLT
So hold on. Keep waiting. Keep working. Don't lose hope, don't give up. Everything is in God's hands, and on His timing. And His timing is ALWAYS PERFECT.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
A pillar of salt
"But Lot’s wife looked back as she was following behind him, and she turned into a pillar of salt" Genesis 19:26
It was a harsh chapter. Lot was being rushed out of a currupt city about to be destroyed by the Lord. Even now reading it, I get freaked out. But in this one verse I get so much. For most of us we all at some point have had to make the difficult decision of leaving something familiar and comforting behind, no matter how bad it was for us. For me, it was a relationship almost five years ago, and now a church building I've grown to love. But God is using that relationship I left behind to help me see that GREATER things are in store!
Can you imagine if it had been the way it was for Lot's wife for me?? Thank you JESUS, that I didn't suffer the same consequence because truth be told, I looked back. More than once. But honestly, if I thought about the times I did look back I'd see what it did to me spiritually. I almost could be compared to a pillar of salt... if you could compare salt to tears. I cried a lot over the loss. As Lot's wife probably did too. She was leaving all she knew behind, and had to watch as her home burnt to the ground. But she only got a glance. The bible doesn't say the time table in her looking back, but it did say the consequence.
When God has great things for us and we second guess them He's not some big bully up in the sky waiting to smoosh us like ants. Because of Jesus we now have the freedom to look back, but I wouldn't suggest it. Looking back diverts your attention to what's ahead... Sometimes the plan is not obvious, it's just "get up and go". And it takes a lot of faith to "get up and go" when you are in a long-term relationship, or occupying a building that's been the place you ran to whenever you needed something tangible.
No one ever tells you how hard it will be, because its different for everyone involved. Yes, I've cried knowing the building that changed my life is not going to be there as I've known it. But should that keep me from believing God for what's ahead?? NO WAY.
Like I said earlier, there's some work that needs to be done. There's ground that needs to be weeded, and tilled, and seeds to be planted, and I'm planning on doing my part. I've done it before, so I know I can do it again. Saying goodbye to things that need saying goodbye to isn't that hard this time around. After all, it is just a building. And nothing lasts forever. Except for God, and He's not going anywhere.
It was a harsh chapter. Lot was being rushed out of a currupt city about to be destroyed by the Lord. Even now reading it, I get freaked out. But in this one verse I get so much. For most of us we all at some point have had to make the difficult decision of leaving something familiar and comforting behind, no matter how bad it was for us. For me, it was a relationship almost five years ago, and now a church building I've grown to love. But God is using that relationship I left behind to help me see that GREATER things are in store!
Can you imagine if it had been the way it was for Lot's wife for me?? Thank you JESUS, that I didn't suffer the same consequence because truth be told, I looked back. More than once. But honestly, if I thought about the times I did look back I'd see what it did to me spiritually. I almost could be compared to a pillar of salt... if you could compare salt to tears. I cried a lot over the loss. As Lot's wife probably did too. She was leaving all she knew behind, and had to watch as her home burnt to the ground. But she only got a glance. The bible doesn't say the time table in her looking back, but it did say the consequence.
When God has great things for us and we second guess them He's not some big bully up in the sky waiting to smoosh us like ants. Because of Jesus we now have the freedom to look back, but I wouldn't suggest it. Looking back diverts your attention to what's ahead... Sometimes the plan is not obvious, it's just "get up and go". And it takes a lot of faith to "get up and go" when you are in a long-term relationship, or occupying a building that's been the place you ran to whenever you needed something tangible.
No one ever tells you how hard it will be, because its different for everyone involved. Yes, I've cried knowing the building that changed my life is not going to be there as I've known it. But should that keep me from believing God for what's ahead?? NO WAY.
Like I said earlier, there's some work that needs to be done. There's ground that needs to be weeded, and tilled, and seeds to be planted, and I'm planning on doing my part. I've done it before, so I know I can do it again. Saying goodbye to things that need saying goodbye to isn't that hard this time around. After all, it is just a building. And nothing lasts forever. Except for God, and He's not going anywhere.
I'm Spiderman no more.
Ok, so for a while I've been flirting with the idea of writing a blog. It's not that there's something wrong with it, but I almost felt like I was selling out if I did it. After all, who doesn't give their opinions these days anymore? With Facebook and Twitter and Instagram (you can follow me on all those things by the way *wink*) everyone can literally know what's on your mind 24/7! But I've definitely found that my twelve page posts are not the best, so instead I thought, with all these new lessons being filtered into my brain, maybe a blog IS the right thing for me.. after all, (plug) I did write a book, and I'd love for people to get to know me and my rational, sane thoughts.. (haha, rational)
If you could know one thing I've been struggling with I'd have to say its got a lot to do with Spiderman. Yeah, yeah. I can already hear the comments.. "Is this chick for real?" Yes, I have a Spiderman issue. The issue is that I'm expected to be this pulled together person, who fights injustice and helps the weak, yet I have no personal life. It's a choice, I admit. I chose to take that part of my life and put it on hold, but I'm left here with such a gaping feeling that I'm not really sure if I'm capable of the things I've been called to do anymore. So, just like in Spiderman 2 I took a break. I didn't really fight crime or anything, but I stepped down from a leadership role and backed out of the light in church. I tried my best to stay off to the sidelines, and not make any waves. But guess what happened? Ministry sought me out anyway. God was up there saying, hey, you can pretend like you don't care all you want, I know you do, and I'm going to send PLENTY of work your way to keep you from getting rusty.
Thanks God. No really! In the process of thinking I'm losing myself, I FOUND myself. I've had struggles, yes. My life is not easy. I work hard, and don't get much me time. But you know what? It's ok. Sometimes we've got to put the work in before we reap the harvest.
Before the times of no bake cheesecake, or instant pudding people had to take time and energy to get the actual product. Microwaves and cellphones, and televisions now make it easier to be connected to the world outside, but are we really? There's still a glass shield separating us, isn't there? Human contact is even made as simple as a press of the button. It's not the same though.
My point? I have one, I swear. My point is that maybe this is my season of work. Maybe I have to be focusing on the ingredients, and putting them together. And when everything is together God will tell me it's time to harvest.
In the end, I tried my hardest to sit on the sidelines. But in doing so I realized I'm not a sidelines kind of girl. I've got to be in the action. And if that's the way I'm created to be, than dash it all I'm gonna be the one who shines in that way. It means I have to work and wait for the harvest, but that makes it that much more worth it to me. I may not get it all completely yet, but I know Whose I am. And I know that even when I'm stubborn so is He. He won't ever let me quit, and I'm glad.
If you could know one thing I've been struggling with I'd have to say its got a lot to do with Spiderman. Yeah, yeah. I can already hear the comments.. "Is this chick for real?" Yes, I have a Spiderman issue. The issue is that I'm expected to be this pulled together person, who fights injustice and helps the weak, yet I have no personal life. It's a choice, I admit. I chose to take that part of my life and put it on hold, but I'm left here with such a gaping feeling that I'm not really sure if I'm capable of the things I've been called to do anymore. So, just like in Spiderman 2 I took a break. I didn't really fight crime or anything, but I stepped down from a leadership role and backed out of the light in church. I tried my best to stay off to the sidelines, and not make any waves. But guess what happened? Ministry sought me out anyway. God was up there saying, hey, you can pretend like you don't care all you want, I know you do, and I'm going to send PLENTY of work your way to keep you from getting rusty.
Thanks God. No really! In the process of thinking I'm losing myself, I FOUND myself. I've had struggles, yes. My life is not easy. I work hard, and don't get much me time. But you know what? It's ok. Sometimes we've got to put the work in before we reap the harvest.
Before the times of no bake cheesecake, or instant pudding people had to take time and energy to get the actual product. Microwaves and cellphones, and televisions now make it easier to be connected to the world outside, but are we really? There's still a glass shield separating us, isn't there? Human contact is even made as simple as a press of the button. It's not the same though.
My point? I have one, I swear. My point is that maybe this is my season of work. Maybe I have to be focusing on the ingredients, and putting them together. And when everything is together God will tell me it's time to harvest.
In the end, I tried my hardest to sit on the sidelines. But in doing so I realized I'm not a sidelines kind of girl. I've got to be in the action. And if that's the way I'm created to be, than dash it all I'm gonna be the one who shines in that way. It means I have to work and wait for the harvest, but that makes it that much more worth it to me. I may not get it all completely yet, but I know Whose I am. And I know that even when I'm stubborn so is He. He won't ever let me quit, and I'm glad.
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