The Aftermath

What did I learn from my rant yesterday?  I learned that I don't really feel that way.  I was just desiring to get the junk out of my head and heart.

Can I tell you how grateful I am for those people of the Church that I looked to as family?  I realize yesterday I was kind of a jerk, but that was yesterday.  Today God was able to help me work through all that mess of feelings and I can see better just how much they helped me become who I am today.

So many courageous women have shown me to not back down and move forward even when things seem to be at their worst...

From Debbie Pike to Sheila Chittum, Michelle Desrochers (aka Mama D), Laura Blakney, Mary Gay Smith, Kathy Dunton, Dee Corriveau, Pastor Babs, Jean Barry, Amy Passas, Linda Wright, Tammy Hickey, Linda Limanni, Dot Morgan, Patty Romero, Marilyn Page, Tamara Schafar, Sue West, June Chesbrough, Laurine Younas, Aleida, Elaine Michaud, Loraina Estabrook, Sheila Hall, Pam McCauley, Shauna Kaplan, Sharon Hurley, Verna Keefe, Pat Guinta, and the very missed Joan Douglass.

There's some I'm leaving out, I'm sure.. but there are so many that helped me get through some very rough times in my life.  And I want them to know I haven't forgotten.

These ladies made an impression on me, and I get my courage from the strength they showed.  These ladies have faced some rough waters and never backed down.  They are stronger to me because of their love for Christ, and dependence on God.  They've shown me that walking with Jesus in this life is not always easy, but its always worth it.

I watched these ladies over the years, and found that the answers don't always come easy.  Sometimes you have to wait for them, sometimes you have to fight for them, sometimes you have to search for them, and sometimes they don't ever come at all.  But its never a reason to quit.  Backing down isn't an option.

I can't say enough about these ladies.  They were a strength when I needed it.  I am forever grateful.  I think yesterdays rant was actually more about the fact that so much is changing, and its been hard on me.  My job has changed, my address is changing, and now I'm changing churches... From someone who loves change even I'm feeling a little bit dizzy.

But I'm positive this change is for the good.  I know God has a purpose for me in this new endeavor, and I am going to have faith and believe its for the Good of His Kingdom, and my life.

Maybe things are a little erratic at the moment.  But I can see by the example these ladies left for me that I'm going to get through it.  And when I do I'll be that much stronger.

So thanks Ladies.  Thank you for being who I needed, when I needed it!

Square Peg, Round hole kinda feeling

Funny story, I have never felt like I fit in anywhere.  I tried really hard to do just that in my surroundings, but you know what I got from that?

I was told that I was scary.

Yeah, maybe I'm loud, and crazy... but my heart is genuine, and it seriously hurt me when the people I expected to be more accepting turned out to be more hypocritical.

It doesn't matter who I mean, what matters is how I'm going to react to it.

So maybe people don't get me.  Okay, I can be a bit of a puzzle, I guess, but what I'm really finding is that it's more that the people I'm trying to get to see me are actually more blind than they realize.  I find it funny that in Christianity it's promoted to be forgiving, full of mercy, grace, and truth.. but those are the very things that are never really shown.  Don't agree?  Well that's fine, you can have your own opinion in this, but the one place I have had to fight for those very things is not usually the outside world, it's within the walls of the Church and the hearts of the Christians who occupy them.

Don't take this wrong, I am NOT saying they are horrible people.  They aren't.  But I am saying that its a bit frustrating finding those very people who are supposed to be there for you because you are "family" to be the least likely to help.

You know what's ironic?  I sought out comfort from a church because I felt like a black sheep in my family, but instead of feeling welcome and part of them I feel more like a black sheep than ever.  Maybe it's just me being a girl, who knows, I do tend to over-think things.. but I just can't shake the feeling that I am always the one that not many understands,  even fewer reaches out to, and very little sympathize with.

I'm trying to break this down, because it happens a lot to me.  And I just can't seem to figure it out.  What I've come up with is that I'm not one that hides the fact that I'm tired, or cranky, or frustrated.. but I also hate it when people assume somethings wrong if there isn't a smile plastered on my face.  There must be a problem, or something wrong if Jossyb isn't smiling, cause God knows you should always be smiling!!

No.  You are confusing me with Barbie.  She always has a smile on her face, that's why they pay her the big bucks.  Me?... If I'm anything I'm honest.  I'd rather tell you the truth then lie and here's the truth, you need to get to know me more because I have more emotions than just being happy.  And one of them is feeling calm. You know what that looks like?  Me not jumping around or smiling. I'm BEING CALM.

People drive me crazy.  I analyze myself enough, I don't want a million people doing it as well, and if I wanted to I'd go to a freaking psychologist thank you.

I know this seems like I can't stand people, but I really do still like people in spite of how annoying they can be. Go ahead, correct my grammar... suck the fun out of new things for me, ruin surprises, eat my candy, take my stuff... but I'm not kidding when I say you'll always have a friend in me.  I'm just wired that way.
 
I don't like being that person that holds things against another.  I have this crazy desire to separate a person from their actions.. but giving a person freedom to change is not ideal in a world full of people who want the bad guy to suffer instead of get better. If anything its made me more enemies than friends.  How dare I want someone to change for the good?  They must be punished forever!!  But I'm not that person.  I'm simply that person that wants that from others.. If I make a stupid mistake I'd like to know that there is someone in my life who'll say that my mistakes don't define me, my triumph's do.

So maybe this is why I'm so horribly frustrated with people stating I am scary.  If anything I'm the least of their worries.  Unless the truth is what really scares them. And I'm sorry, but it is in my DNA to be honest.  I can't help it.  If you want to know whether I think you are an idiot or not for something you did I'll tell you, otherwise don't ask me and then label me scary for telling you the truth.  And next time you see me and I'm not smiling don't automatically jump to the conclusion that something is wrong.  And don't ask me how I'm feeling.  I hate that.

No worries though.  We'll still be cool.  Unless you eat my last bit of ice cream... than all bets are off.

Dreams and such...

I was wondering when God was going to lead me to write about this.  You see I've had one of the craziest, but also very loud and to the point, dreams.

It happened years ago, but I can still see it like it happened last night.

In the dream I was in a corporate building in Heaven.  God was sitting at a large opening in a wall with all His heavenly creatures around Him.  He had boxes full and piled around Him that He was taking one by one and throwing out the opening down to the Middle Eastern countries.. you know, all those "taboo" places where everyone would rather not go because of the wars and fighting and such.  I looked at another pile of boxes and grabbed one labeled "death and famine" and thought I could help and threw it out the opening down to them.  I stood looking out the opening, proud of myself for helping, and then turned to God and all the creatures.  They were all staring at me, and not in a good way.

Then I noticed the boxes God have been throwing down.

They were marked "food and blessings".

That's when I woke up.

What's the point of me telling you this? That it's quite possible the people of God are making the same mistake all over again.

Jesus told a parable of the good Samaritan. He spoke this parable in response to a man who was an expert in religious law.  The man asked Jesus what he needed to do to inherit eternal life.

We find this story in Luke 10:25-37(nlt) 

The Most Important Commandment

One day an expert in religious law stood up to test Jesus by asking him this question: “Teacher, what should I do to inherit eternal life?”
Jesus replied, “What does the law of Moses say? How do you read it?”
The man answered, “‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”c
“Right!” Jesus told him. “Do this and you will live!”
The man wanted to justify his actions, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

Parable of the Good Samaritan

Jesus replied with a story: “A Jewish man was traveling from Jerusalem down to Jericho, and he was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him up, and left him half dead beside the road.
“By chance a priest came along. But when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by. A Temple assistant walked over and looked at him lying there, but he also passed by on the other side.
“Then a despised Samaritan came along, and when he saw the man, he felt compassion for him. Going over to him, the Samaritan soothed his wounds with olive oil and wine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. The next day he handed the innkeeper two silver coins, telling him, ‘Take care of this man. If his bill runs higher than this, I’ll pay you the next time I’m here.’
“Now which of these three would you say was a neighbor to the man who was attacked by bandits?” Jesus asked.
The man replied, “The one who showed him mercy.”
Then Jesus said, “Yes, now go and do the same.”

What I take from this is that we need to consider everyone around us our neighbor. In this story Jesus told even the Priest and Temple assistant walked away from someone who should be considered their neighbor.. they chose to ignore the needs.  But a man who was a stranger to the hurt man stopped and helped.  We do not know who this man was, whether a Jew or Gentile, but we do know that it didn't matter to this man.

The Jews had a major issue caring about anyone outside of their "People".  Don't hear me wrong.  I'm not saying they should be chastised or punished for this.  What I'm saying is don't make the same mistake.

Over and over God gave His people a chance to be a light to the world.  Telling them to shine His glory.  To show of His greatness, His love, and His faithfulness. FOR ALL.  But all throughout the history of the Israelite's you see the same thing.. they seem to think that God only had room for them in His love.

God became fed up with this.  He didn't want it to continue, so He sent Jesus.  Jesus came to seek and save Jew AND Gentile.  All who wanted Grace got it.  All who sought Mercy found it.  All who needed healing received it.  Jesus didn't ever deny someone based on whether they were a Jew or not.

Today we live in a world so divided.  There are lines drawn everywhere of who to help and who to ignore. This person is lazy, this person believes crazy things, this person has too much.

The same things that applied then should apply today.  I believe God gave me this dream because we are making war with a people that God wants to know that He loves too.  He EXEMPTS NO ONE. He does not base His love on anything other than the heart of the believer.  People base their kindness on who the receiver is and whether they deserve it.  But what I think is that no one really deserves kindness.  We all mess up and make horrible decisions and terrible mistakes.

We think awful things, we do awful things.

And sometimes I wonder, do we exclude people for the same reason Jonah didn't want God to show compassion and mercy to Nineveh?

Jonah’s Anger at the LORD’s Mercy

This change of plans greatly upset Jonah, and he became very angry. So he complained to the LORD about it: “Didn’t I say before I left home that you would do this, LORD? That is why I ran away to Tarshish! I knew that you are a merciful and compassionate God, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. You are eager to turn back from destroying people. Just kill me now, LORD! I’d rather be dead than alive if what I predicted will not happen.”
The LORD replied, “Is it right for you to be angry about this?”
Then Jonah went out to the east side of the city and made a shelter to sit under as he waited to see what would happen to the city. And the LORD God arranged for a leafy plant to grow there, and soon it spread its broad leaves over Jonah’s head, shading him from the sun. This eased his discomfort, and Jonah was very grateful for the plant.
But God also arranged for a worm! The next morning at dawn the worm ate through the stem of the plant so that it withered away. And as the sun grew hot, God arranged for a scorching east wind to blow on Jonah. The sun beat down on his head until he grew faint and wished to die. “Death is certainly better than living like this!” he exclaimed.
Then God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry because the plant died?”
“Yes,” Jonah retorted, “even angry enough to die!”
Then the LORD said, “You feel sorry about the plant, though you did nothing to put it there. It came quickly and died quickly. But Nineveh has more than 120,000 people living in spiritual darkness, not to mention all the animals. Shouldn’t I feel sorry for such a great city?”

What a miserable man Jonah was.  He was so angry God loved all people, instead of just his people.  And why?  No good reason I can think of.  People need to take from this one thing.. NO ONE is above another.  We all belong to the same God, and He loves us all.  He's there to show His mercy and compassion to ALL.  Not just Jews.  Not just Christians. ALL.

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. -2 Peter 3:9(niv)

Let's Talk about the Cross Part 3

So what is this Greater Purpose I keep talking about? Why am I so obsessed with it???

Well that's easy, its the reason we are all here!

The Bible is one amazing book, if you ask me, and it's full of a lot of amazing stories.  To some they are just too crazy to believe.  A man being swallowed whole by a whale... then spit back out, no harm done... people being healed of birth defects and blindness and broken or useless limbs becoming like new... donkey's talking, a Red Sea Parting, a whole earth flooding... it was crazy!

What if you let yourself believe the things of the bible?  The good and the bad?  The stuff that scares you and the stuff that you crave and desire most?  What's so wrong with believing in it?  Why is everyone so scared of it??  It really is strange to me that a book of books is considered dangerous to some and a myth to others. Its a lifeline, or a table leveler.  Some read it as a last resort, some read it as the only way they've ever known.

But there's something to be said here.. there's no way this book means nothing.

From Genesis to Revelation this book is the beginning of one thing and the end of another.  Jewish literature teaches the first part, also known as the Old Testament, but refused the second part... the New Testament.

Why?  Because of Jesus.

The Gospels tell a story about a man born to a virgin, from an immaculate birth in a time when life seemed to have lost all hope for a Great people.  These people were set apart by God Himself, as a Light to the World. They were the shining example of God's love and faithfulness.  But these people messed up.  They became prideful and convinced of their own importance.  They believed that God only loved them, they didn't pay attention to stories such as the one of Rahab who helped Joshua's spies by hiding them from the King.  She wasn't a Jew, yet she craved the love and protection of their God, and didn't stop until she got it. And not only did she become adopted into the family of the Jews, but she was an ancestor in the line of King David! And Jesus Christ!

There's something to say about that!  Maybe there is no special people in the way that it's been told.  The way I read it those people were supposed to be a shining example of Who God Is but instead they acted like completely spoiled brats.  Having to be told constantly that they needed to change or else God would cut them off... What do I mean?  Well, there are books included of Prophets who were sent to the Jews to speak on God's behalf.  These men (and women) were sent to deliver a message.  Most messages were about God's grace, but there were many about His disappointment.  16 books of Prophets telling about the failing of people and the coming of something new that would change the old ways.  Because the old ways failed too. People weren't getting it.  They knew what it would take to have God's favor.. the sacrifices and the rituals were pretty set in stone.  God didn't stutter.  But the amount of sacrificing is kind of disgusting. Have you ever smelled blood before?? It's gross.  I can't even believe the Israelite's were okay with that.

But honestly, they did what needed to be done to be right with God.

But at some point I think they realized it was impossible for them to keep it up.  Why? Well because it was too easy to mess up.  There was so much to constantly be making up for and it got to a point where I'm sure they felt discouraged.

Living as the Chosen People of God wasn't exactly cake.  They had a lot of ground to cover and some major life choices to make that would set them apart.  If they lived as God's Holy People maybe others would want to live that way too.  I'm thinking that was the point.  But instead it was used against others.

Wars were fought, lives lost, and still the same thing.

Then the line of communication between man and God went quiet.  For 400 years.  Things were being set into motion in that time period, and the faithfulness of God seemed gone, but it wasn't.  A great place for a quick explanation of some things that happened during that time can be found on www.bibleview.org check out 400 Silent Years.

But the coming of a Savior was on its way.  Near the end of the Silent Years is when Jesus came into the picture.  Some scientists of the time (in the bible they were referred to as Magi) were following the words of the prophets and noticed the change in the constellations one day and decided to follow them.  By the time they had reached the birthplace of Jesus He would have been two years old.  The King was pretty mad about this baby being foretold as great King.. he got so jealous he sent to have all male babies 2 and under to be murdered so God told Joseph (Jesus' earthly father) to flee from there.

30 years after Jesus' birth was the start of His ministry.  For 3 years Jesus spent His earthly life healing bodies, minds, and spirits.  He taught with authority.  He spoke with wisdom.  And He brought a new kind of thinking that messed with the thinking of the Jews.

So they plotted His death.  And when Jesus was ready He let them murder Him.  Why? Because that was the plan.  A plan set far before the scene of the Cross.  A plan that started in a garden, with a man a woman and a serpent.

When you look back over the span of time it seems that all things up to the time of the cross were tense. There was battle going on, and it wasn't pretty.  But the battle was on the inside of the humans, not the outside.  The fighting that raged was anger, depression, fear, jealousy, laziness, coveting, and more.  From these feelings we can see why King David had a man murdered after sleeping with the man's wife.. feelings can be pretty powerful.  And can lead to some bad decisions..

Like the first bad decision.  Eating from the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.  And what knowledge was gained by eating from that tree? Genesis 3:7 "At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves."

Feelings.  They were made aware of the bad feelings they could feel.  Toward themselves.

Could you imagine a world without bad feelings?  With only the Fruit of the spirit? Which happens to be Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and SELF-CONTROL. (couldn't help myself.. that's one that most people are not capable of, including myself).

This would be why Jesus allowed Himself to be murdered on the cross.  To tip the scale in OUR favor.  The serpent plays dirty and what he did was bring something into our lives that isn't meant to be there.  That's why all those negative feelings feel so wrong! They shouldn't be a part of our life!

The Cross changed things.  It's a GIANT gesture, on our behalf, to tell us we don't have to fight this alone.  In fact, we're not only going to win, the battle's already over.  We need only accept the gesture by faith, and live as a disciple of Jesus Christ.  Follow His words and ways, and trust that God's plan is deeper than loving us... He's got a plan to use us to remove this serpent once and for all.