I was just thinking about people over the years that have given in to the things that have pulled them away from God, and you know what? I can see why it happened. Instead of surrendering to Christ and His teachings they gave in the monster.
Am I being harsh? I don't think so. I watched so many people crumble under the pressure of walking with Christ on their own, having no friends to carry them through and truly needing to rely on their own responsibility to build a relationship with Christ seemed to much for them. It was easier to just do the things they were used to doing. Not all bad things. And these people weren't terrible people. They just had things in their life they were unwilling to admit needed to change. And because of that the "monster" got bigger. This monster put a wedge between them and God, and before they knew what was happening the monster was all they could see, so they accepted him as reality.
I've watched this happen to many friends, I've even had it happen to me. But guess what? That monster can be beaten!
When I started to want the easier things back it was usually because God was asking for more of me, and that wasn't an easy thing to do because that meant letting things go that I was so used to. Things that even hurt me, but I just was so afraid to live without. Example? Bread. Yeah. I can't have gluten because I have a less than pleasant reaction to it, and recently I've discovered I have to add dairy to that list. Yeah, that means no pizza. Or pasta, or lasagna, or ravioli's... at least in the traditional sense. I don't care what anyone says, it doesn't taste the same. I use this example because it's probably the one thing that God has used to truly get my attention on how I usually eat my feelings. When I'm feeling frustrated or angry or sad or whatever emotion I don't want to deal with I get this strong desire to eat a giant pizza, or lasagna, or bowl of pasta.. oh how those Olive Garden commercials hurt! It's not really that great of food, but just seeing those ravioli's dripping with cheese stirs something in me. And you know what I realized? I feel like I can't be happy if I can't eat those things. I really think that eating those things are what will make me happy!
That, to me, sounds like the thoughts of an addict. But my desire for pasta became a problem a few years ago. I started getting crazy reactions for what seemed like no reason. I had rashes and cystic acne, God was it so embarrassing! I started losing hair, and gaining weight like crazy. My body felt like it was spinning out of control. I always felt like I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown, and felt so mentally unstable that I could barely think. There were worse things, but I really don't want to go into detail. The gyst? Lots of stuff was wrecking me on the inside and showing on the outside. I went to the doctor because I started feeling like bugs were under my skin. I thought I was going crazy, and I talked with her about all of my symptoms and the idea of maybe me having an intolerance to food was brought up. So I began my journey of cutting the bread out of my diet. Along with this God also gave me a great scripture to remind me He was on my side.. just wait.. I found it kind of ironic.
It was this: "I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Anyone who eats this bread will live forever; and this bread, which I will offer so the world may live, is my flesh.” John 6:51NLT
Little weird, eating Jesus' flesh.. am I right? Was Jesus asking me to be a zombie??? Gross! But no, that's not it at all. Instead He was trying to teach me something. And I was reading a commentary and they really captured exactly what I haven't been able to put to words of my experience this past year...
It's a commentary on the scripture Deuteronomy 8:3.. a scripture Jesus later quotes in Matthew and Luke.. a scripture stating that "man does not live on bread alone." At first I thought God was making fun of me, but after reading that commentary I finally get it...
Keil and Delitzsch Biblical Commentary on the Old Testament
The humiliation in the desert consisted not merely in the fact that God let the people hunger, i.e., be in want of bread and their ordinary food, but also in the fact that He fed them with manna, which was unknown to them and their fathers (cf. Exodus 16:16.). Feeding with manna is called a humiliation, inasmuch as God intended to show to the people through this food, which had previously been altogether unknown to them, that man does not live by bread alone, that the power to sustain life does not rest upon bread only (Isaiah 38:16; Genesis 27:40), or belong simply to it, but to all that goeth forth out of the mouth of Jehovah. That which "proceedeth out of the mouth of Jehovah" is not the word of the law, as the Rabbins suppose, but, as the word כּל (all, every) shows, "the word" generally, the revealed will of God to preserve the life of man in whatever way (Schultz): hence all means designed and appointed by the Lord for the sustenance of life. In this sense Christ quotes these words in reply to the tempter (Matthew 4:4), not to say to him, The Messiah lives not by (material) bread only, but by the fulfilment of the will of God (Usteri, Ullmann), or by trusting in the sustaining word of God (Olshausen); but that He left it to God to care for the sustenance of His life, as God could sustain His life in extraordinary ways, even without the common supplies of food, by the power of His almighty word and will. (Courtesy of Bible Suite @ www.bible.cc)
What I've taken from this is that God has been trying to get me to stop feeding myself the things that literally made me sick both physically and mentally, but also spiritually. That side of me was a growing monster and it was trying it's hardest to get in between me and God. It wasn't easy to recognize it because I didn't want to admit the thing to take out of my life was something that I used to help cope with emotions. Am I upset? That's ok, I should eat some cookies. Am I frustrated? Have a bowl of spaghetti, then wash it down with some delicious chocolate milk...
All the while that monster was gnawing my life away.
When I finally surrendered to Christ and gave up gluten I was back to myself within a week. It's been almost a year and I've dropped 30 lbs. My hair is growing like crazy again, my cystic acne is healing, I don't feel like I have bugs under my skin anymore, and I feel freer than ever.
Sure it still stinks that I can't eat those things, and there are days when I miss it so much that I have a hard time remembering why I gave it up... but now I'm going to remember. Man does not live by bread alone, but on every word that comes from the Lord.
And I'd like to think God had an alterior motive for saying that, because Jesus, Himself, is the word of the Lord made flesh (John 1:14).. maybe God was trying to say He wants me to devour the Word? Maybe that's what Jesus meant by saying I must eat His flesh? Maybe the Word, made flesh, wanted me to live by what He said. Maybe He was saying that He sustains me, not bread. Maybe?
Maybe.
But one thing remains. Those that choose to feed the monsters in their life are also making the choice to put distance between themselves and God. And I find it funny that those same people still ask why they can't feel God anymore? Maybe it's because instead of starving the very thing that separates you you're choosing to feed it, and now its so big it's all you can see? Maybe?
Maybe.
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